Just Remember...you asked for it.

It's not often people need or want my opinion. In fact a lot of the time I don't want my own opinions. I seem to have a way of looking at the world with the eyes of an innocent child...who is on his 3rd marriage to his nag of a wife, hates his job, and it addicted to horse tranquilizers. So as cool as that might seem it's not always so handy.

I got an letter from one of my loyal readers/ friends from high school that reads:

Dear Cody,

You know something I would like to read about in one of your blogs, chuck e cheese. We went there this weekend and I always think its funny how they give each family a stamp so that the kids cant leave with anyone else and you cant leave with any extra kids. I was thinking... I sure don't want to take home anyone elses kids, I have enough already... and no one would want to take my kids, nor would they be able to, my kids would beat someone down before they even got to the door to check the stamps. So yea, I would like it if you would share your thoughts on this

Sincerely Yours,
Sheri Nunez.

PS - You were so HOT in high school!

Well Sheri thanks for the message I gotcha loud and clear. I always do like good challenge. Lets dive into some of the weirdness that is Chuck-E-Cheese. Just Remember though...you asked for it!

First of all, can we all admit that our children are not getting half of the coolness we got from Chuck-E-Cheese? You know what I'm talking about...where the hell did the Animatronic band go? That was the coolest part of Chuck-E-Cheese (or Showbiz Pizza if you were an 80's kid like me). I mean I am 28 now but if my friend called me up and said "Hey, do you wan to see an animatronic gorilla sing Alice Cooper's Schools out for Summer while being backed my an animatronic band?" Um...HELL YEAH I DO! That to me was the best part. I understand that some places actually still have this, here in Vegas it's one half-assed animatronic Chuck-E and some TV screens.

Secondly, why the hell would you make your mascot a Rat (yes, according to the company he is a mouse....but seriously...if that is not a rat I don't want to know what a rat looks like)? I mean most people would like to keep rats as far away from themselves and their food as possible. I think it might have been a dare the CEO made to see how gullible we are.

CEO: Hey Phil, Dare me to scrap the name Showbiz pizza and rename it Chuck-E-Cheese.

Phil: You sure that's a good Idea Sir?

CEO: Why not, people are stupid! I'll Even replace the mascot with a Rat!

Phil: You mean a cute lil mouse Sir? like Mickey Mouse, or Tom from Tom and Jerry, or Pixie and Dixie Sir?

CEO: No, I mean a big fat ugly ass rat! I mean buck teeth, huge nose, and annoying voice. Who cares? I mean sure they carried the fleas that carried the black plague, and to have them in a restaurant would equal a shut down by any health department but I'm rich! Screw the plebeians!!!

Now on to the topic at hand (or hand stamping if you will...ho ho ho...clever). For those of you who don't know, Chuck-E-Cheese has an attendant at the front desk that stamps your hand with a number in ultraviolet ink and stamps all your kids to with the same number, that way when you go to leave they can check your stamps and be sure they match so some weirdo or pedophile doesn't snatch your kid! Sounds pretty good in theory right. The concept is that as parents you don't have to keep a close eye on you kids now because they can't leave the joint!

A.) Why can't they leave? The 73 yr old man or the 17 yr old 105 lb. girl working the front desk aren't going to be able to stop someone if they really want your kid. It's ultraviolet ink! It's not the collars from The Running Man that are going to make you head explode if you try to leave (although that would be cool to see).

B.) This is just an excuse for lazy ass parents to not watch their stinky kids! I mean why wouldn't you want to share in Ski-ball, or Street Fighter 2 with you kids? These are supposed to be times you can laugh together and make memories.

C.) What the Hell do parent's have to do that is So important at Chuck-E-Cheeses they can't watch their kids? I mean you are obviously not going to be eating? Who they heck wants to eat pizza that tastes like a laminated jockstrap covered in oil? How is the pizza already cold when you get it? I would SERIOUSLY be 100% happier if they just gave me a $1 Totinos Pizza! I don't even tell my kids about the starving children in Africa when they refuse to eat it, I actually am impressed and say..."Good for you kido! Diarrhea is no fun! Go play some games!"

D.) Pedophiles and weirdos are sick, not retarded! I mean its not even like they are using a complicated system. They use a regular rubber stamp with like 4 digits, and ultraviolet ink that you could pick up from anywhere. On that note it might be fun to stamp your kids like 100's of times all over their bodies before you go just to see the front desk persons eyes when you leave.

E.) I sure as hell hope it wasn't an issue with normal folks getting home and going " Ah poop Janet! We brought the wrong Damn kids home again! If only there was a better way! When will science catch up to our stupidity!"

Well Sheri, thanks for the letter and I hope my glance at Chuck-E-Cheese didn't let you down. I'm also glad you realize I was like catnip to girls in high school and was as you put it "Hot."

P.S.- Okay she didn't have a PS on her letter saying I was hot! Is it so wrong to want to feel wanted! Stop Judging me! Fine, I don't need this..I'm getting my ink pad and going out for some pizza!