My Proposal For Fixing The Oil Disaster And Creating A "Grip" Of Jobs!

So if you couldn't tell by the title of today's blog I have come up with an awesome solution to fix the oil crisis in the Gulf of Mexico and create jobs!

Step 1. Men, what do you do when you have something in your home that is leaking, destroying everything around it, bringing sadness and fear to those in that environment....stick a tampon in it right! So step one will be to build the worlds second largest tampon (slightly smaller than Lindsay Lohan's)! This will require ruffly 700 million pounds of cotton! So we will have to hire millions of unemployed Americans to help grow the cotton (supporting Americas farms rock!) and we will need millions to help construct the tampon (creating a "grip" of jobs). Now I know what you are thinking...Cody....how the hell will we get the giant tampon to the wellhead without it absorbing all the water before it gets to the oil? MORE JOBS!!!! WE GET TO MAKE THE WORLDS LARGEST PLASTIC APPLICATOR (Lohan uses cardboard)! I am proposing we make it from 100% recycled plastic from our nations landfills (Saving the earth too..damn son)! And afterward we can donate sections of it to local skate parks as half pipes (helping fight Americas childhood obesity situation...and yes...MORE JOBS!). We would also get to hire major companies all over the country to build a giant finger and millions of nail technicians to french tip the giant finger needed to work the applicator! But Cody....Tampons don't last forever right? No they do not, that is why we will have to construct a gigantic retrieval string, and a box of several thicknesses of oil spill tampons (for those lighter days...more and more jobs). Also as many of you ladies know, tampons can be scented so here is a chance to make the gulf smell nice too! We could do vanilla, sugar cookie, pine, or my personal fave New Car!!! Then we can simply ring out the millions of barrels of oil from the tampons and recycle the cotton (More jobs). I would Let my good friend Brandon Baird be in charge of this one, he once fixed a radiator leak in my t-bird with a tampon....he's the man (although it took us 6 men like 2 hours to figure out how the applicator worked).


Step 2. We will still have all the oil in the water and on the animals, so I am saying we get the good people at Mr. Clean to create the worlds largest Magic Eraser! Lets face it...there is nothing those things can't clean up! I'm not sure if they sold their souls to Satan to come up with this brilliant product but they rock. So we will have to construct large ships to move the eraser up and down the gulf and wash the oil off the water and animals (Mo Jobs, Mo Jobs, Mo jobs)!

Step 3. Now there are cracks in the pipes causing slower leaks as well Cody.. our giant tampons won't fix them right? Men already know where this is going.....Duct Tape! Is there anything Duct tape can't fix (it fixes clothes, cracks, tears, pipes, my friend Jeff's bong, marriages). So we simply tape up the cracks and forget about it!

So how many jobs did I just create....um...millions! did I save the environment....Yes! All I ask for in return America is you help me pay off my student loans, and get me a PS3.....pretty fare trade!