I am so tired to half way good TV shows. I think what if Hollywood and I would just sit down we could combine some TV shows to make them way better. I'm tired of the same old stuff day in and day out on TV (then why don't you get out of the house and get a hobby Cody?....um shut up.)
1. American Idol + CSPAN+ Maury = American For Real
In this new show we would do what needs to be done and eliminate this retarded music show called American Idol and have people compete for a job that actually matters. Lets face it, we need another pop star like a hole in the head? How many is to many? Am I the only one who thinks that Adam Lambert needs to walk into oncoming traffic? How about we get politicians together and make them compete in challenge to prove they are not owned by corporations, don't owe favors to other politicians, and have a conscience. Every week we could watch people compete in a competition that would actually matter. Everyweek could have a theme like taxes, gay marriage, illegal immigration, and mistresses do you have any? The politican would give there take on the subject for 5 minutes. If this is not enough we hook all of the politicians up to lie detectors to make sure they are 100% honest with the public! Maury could come out with his big ass envelope and say... "So Senator Smith...you said you voted against big tobacco....the lie detector test deterimed.....THAT'S A LIE!!!!" All the politicians still in good standing would get all wild like those dudes who aren't the father on Maury's show now ex: Senator Jacobson " OH!! WHAT MAURY!!! I TOLD YOU SO....uh uh IN YO FACE, HELLS YEAH!!!!!!" In the end the person gets an automatic bid for presidential or state election based on our votes by calling or texting in to a number!
2. Iron Chef America + What Not to Wear = Crap to Queen in 1 Hour!
I say we make different people in fashion compete in a Kitchen Arena like atmosphere to see who can make their "hot mess" of a person look better in only 1 hour! A Japanese guy known as "The Chairman" would get the fashion people together...give them equally hideous dressers based on viewer submissions of people who really need it. Then they would get to square off using a secret ingredient...The Chairman could yell what it is at them.... "Today's secret ingredient is LIME GREEN CORDUROY!" (dramatic music) Then the contestants would have 1 hour to get the person looking good by using the secret ingredient. We would also get a super flamboyant gay guy to do the play by play on the sidelines ..."Okay..so he has the fabric...is he making gouchos?? Oh he is! Those are FAB-U-LUS!!!" After the hour was up they would get to submit the person to 3 judges who could say what was done wrong or right (hopefully in a way that is kinda mean to the person who is getting fixed up) and pick a winner. The winner stays until they are beaten by someone in the upcoming weeks!
3. Lockup + Celebrity Rehab = SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU ARE IN REHAB WEATHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
In this Exciting new show we would make a small prison and randomly abduct celebrities that we know are addicts and we force them to change. We put them in cells against there will with gigantic mean actors whom the celebrities would think were actual inmates from other prisons. Maybe Charlie sheen would stop craving sex and drugs so much when his 350lbs. of muscle cell mate that goes by "Death Raper" (real name Chuck Johnson) threatens him every day that he will do terrible things to him, and if he hears about him sleeping around he has people on the outside that will gut him! We would scratch Dr. Drew and instead have armed guards that could say encouraging things like "Don't you eyeball me boy! I will billy club you in the face" or " If I find anything in this room that isn't supposed to be here I will throw you in a cell with (group of different ethnicity with some cool name) and let them turn you inside out!" Not only would it be a sobering experience but they could live in fear that at anytime their friends from "the inside" might find them!
4. Pawn Stars + Antiques Road Show = I Don't Care What It's Worth...I'll Give You $30!
In this neato-frito show we take the cast of pawn kings and send them with the cast of antiques road show. The format will be just like the normal antiques roadshow except that when the item is being appraised by the expert standing at his side will be Rick Harrison and Big Hoss and their job will be to snicker after how much the expert says the item is worth and then try to low-ball the owner. Example:
Appraiser: I would say at auction, this belt buckle could go for As much $700.
Owner: OH WOW!
Rick: (chuckles) What? $700? I'll give you $30!
Owner: What...the expert just said $700
Big Hoss: Yeah, but look, he even said it's worn on the edges..I'll be lucky to get $60 resale!
Owner: It was Worn by General lee in the Civil War!
Rick: Okay...I can go as high at $80! that's WAYYY more than anyone else will give you!
Owner: Fine...
Then they could could cut to Rick and Hoss calling the guy a fool cause they are gonna make mad cash off it, and every few minutes we could cut to Chumlee eating a sandwich and giving a thumbs up!
As you can see the there are just a few of my ideas Hollywood. Give me a ring sometime soon and your people can talk to my people ( keep in mind my people are toddlers and small children so don't use big words) and maybe we could work something out? Sorry if there is nothing involving little people, cakes, or families with 2834729034 kids TLC.
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