All to often I have gone to parades and have never actually been a part of one. I'm not Gay so I can't be part of Gay pride, Don't Drink which knocks off St. Patrick's Day Parades, and am to far away from NYC to do the Thanksgiving Day Parades. So what part of my life can I embrace? Where can I make a social statement and at the same time ride in a convertible and throw candy at children? This years first ever Las Vegas Straight Pride Parade!
That's right I am going to embrace my heterosexuality to the fullest in an awesome display of color and music. There will be men and women holding hands and kissing occasionally to ensure that is makes gay patrons aware that straight people ARE REAL and won't be silenced anymore. We will have chants like " We're here, we're not queer...in fact we are attracted to people of the opposite sex in which we can have relations with which can result in offspring which will keep the human race keep going...get used to it!" ( A little wordy but I am working on it.) There will be floats of famous hetero couples (Adam/Eve, Romeo/Juliet, Tiger Woods/his wife and hos). We will have t-shirts like "I'm Not Gay, and That's okay." We will adopt a new logo just like the gay pride people did with the rainbow. We will simply have water droplets and sunlight as our logo showing that the rainbow folks wouldn't be here if it wasn't for us (you're welcome).
I personally would take great pride in getting to be in this parade! I remember when I was 15 and my parents first caught me making out with a girl! I said " well, you might as well know...I'm straight! that is just who I am....you don't have to agree with me, but please just accept me!" Luckily my parents while needing some time to adjust got used to the idea of me liking boobies. My dad threw away his dreams of me being on Broadway, and my mom stopped telling me about the buff Johnson boy who lived up the street. It wasn't an easy path to get where I am today. I remember the constant criticism I got about being "normal" and acting "as God intended"...harsh words that cut me to my core. But through all that I persevered and am now proud to say I like me some ladies!!!
I would walk in the parade with my head held high, holding hands with my wife (life partner), and showing the world that I am not afraid to be me anymore. And unlike the Gay pride parade which sometimes looses focus thus setting them back 40 years (assless chaps, madonna music in background, float that throws out condoms) I would be on task! Gay people would see me in the parade and say " Holy crap, that is one straight man! He isn't looking at man toosh at all, he probably isn't even thinking about sweet man on man loving! YOU GO STRAIGHT MAN!!!!" Oh and I would go, knowing that my people finally have more of a voice, and that I had the courage to be that voice!
So I to all my straight friends out there, don't be afraid anymore! Come out of the closets you've trapped yourselves in and embrace who you are! Let the world know that you like the opposite sex and it is a beautiful and natural thing! Throw away you're Gay porn you've had lying around to avoid suspicion! Stop wearing skinny jeans! Order more than just a salad! You don't have to cut hair! Feel free to enjoy sports! I love you guys! Be Strong! See you at the parade...may need some time to set this up.
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