I was recently watching a show called 'VH1's Undatable'. The show listed 100 things that men do that made them unappealing to the opposite sex (wearing sports jerseys, naming farts, having man purses). It was hard to watch all these people slamming men for the things they say or do without meaning to make themselves less attractive. At no paint was there a 100 things you can do to make yourself more appealing to women. This is an wrong that I will today try and right today! I have 8 great tips that are easy and practical to make you more than just attractive to women, it will take you to the top of their desire wish list!
1.) Go ahead, smack your women up! If there is one thing women love more than anything else it is DRAMA!!!! If this is not enough it makes it so they are either afraid to leave you or feel like you are a project that they need to "fix". It worked for people like Jason Kidd, Daryl Strawberry, Big Pun, and Ike Turner! everyone knows someone who says "he beats me...but I love him! (which is code for...holy crap this sucks...but I love sympathy attention from other people)
2.) Have a substantial drug or alcohol related problem. Once again women like to think that you are a misunderstood "bad boy" and need all their time or attention. If you can't walk home from the pub, or can't wake up after taking to much Oxycodone someone has to wake you up, or help you walk and they love to do it! Girls are playing doctor/nurses from the time they are small children and love to take care of sick or hurt things. It's in their nature to be the hovering lil nurturer that you deserve! Don't believe me...watch 2 episodes of "Behind the Music"....no it doesn't matter which episodes!
3.) Make sure her parents hate you on a whole new level. For some reason girls feel empowered when they can bring a man home their parents hate. If you follow steps 1 or 2 (why not both) this will be an easy one. Another easy way is to make sure you are not the same color as her parents! Nothing like seeing ol' fashion racism taking place around the dinner table on the first "come meet my parents" outing!
4.) Show up to stuff late if at all. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is sooooo true. Ever loose the TV remote for like 4 days and then find that mother and you are so happy you nearly cry? Same thing.... miss or just don't show up for important events. Good reasons you can give her are things like "I'm hanging out with my friends, I'll get there when I feel like it! Damn!" that one seems to work for a lot of guys! Trust me , she won't be hurt, she'll only be drawn closer to you when you do show up.
5.) Dress like you are on the cast of "Jersey Shore." Nothing says I am a major douche than whiskered jeans in peculiar colors and t-shirts that look like QVC has a Quacker Factory show for men. Women love a-holes that where Ed Hardy! Nothing like a bedazzled picture of a tiger licking a dragon! Why do woman eat this stuff up? Because it means you are a douche bag (sometimes confused with bad boy!....plus it makes it easy for the rest of the competition to stay away from you cause when you see Ed Hardy you can know the guy is an ass clown from a mile away! and girls like a loner!). Also too much hair gel, too much cologne, and a orange-ish spray tan are great!
6.) Have a ton of money! Cody...no self respecting woman would let a ton of cash sway them away from love and into a bad relationship! True, but how many women do you know that have self respect? like 7? could they be more insecure? Examples of this are everywhere! Take a trip to the Las Vegas Strip and I'll guarantee you can't count the number of sugar daddies you'll see. I've heard that scientists are concluding the material cash is made out of attracts women on a subconscious level like cats to catnip!
7. Have Multiple children with multiple women. I learned this first hand at my job at the call center I worked at. There were only 2 other guys who worked there and all you ever heard was women talking about their men and those men's multiple babies mamas who are harassing their men for things like child support..and time with the kids! It was even funnier that women who didn't have "baby daddies"were super jealous! "I wish I had some turd burger of a man that slept around like he was on a mission to repopulate the earth!!! GRRR"
8. Act gay. The only thing I know of that women like more that drama from men is drama from other women. Nothing like being able to gossip, talk about men, shop, and drink fuzzy navels with a guy who feels the same way as they do. Feel free to be one of the girls to lure them into your clutches! Blood Hound Gang had it right "chicks dig guys that are queer, guys that don't dig chicks, that don't dig guys like me...I wish I was queer so i could get chicks."
So I hope that helps some of you undatable guys out their meet your soul mate. wait...my wife is interupting me! "Rhea! Can't you see that I'm high right now! I'm going to my babies mama's house if you don't knock it off! Meet me at the salon to get our hair and nails done...and I'll show up when I feel like it!"...women...gee wiz. Good luck gentlemen.
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