I am so tired to half way good TV shows. I think what if Hollywood and I would just sit down we could combine some TV shows to make them way better. I'm tired of the same old stuff day in and day out on TV (then why don't you get out of the house and get a hobby Cody?....um shut up.)
1. American Idol + CSPAN+ Maury = American For Real
In this new show we would do what needs to be done and eliminate this retarded music show called American Idol and have people compete for a job that actually matters. Lets face it, we need another pop star like a hole in the head? How many is to many? Am I the only one who thinks that Adam Lambert needs to walk into oncoming traffic? How about we get politicians together and make them compete in challenge to prove they are not owned by corporations, don't owe favors to other politicians, and have a conscience. Every week we could watch people compete in a competition that would actually matter. Everyweek could have a theme like taxes, gay marriage, illegal immigration, and mistresses do you have any? The politican would give there take on the subject for 5 minutes. If this is not enough we hook all of the politicians up to lie detectors to make sure they are 100% honest with the public! Maury could come out with his big ass envelope and say... "So Senator Smith...you said you voted against big tobacco....the lie detector test deterimed.....THAT'S A LIE!!!!" All the politicians still in good standing would get all wild like those dudes who aren't the father on Maury's show now ex: Senator Jacobson " OH!! WHAT MAURY!!! I TOLD YOU SO....uh uh IN YO FACE, HELLS YEAH!!!!!!" In the end the person gets an automatic bid for presidential or state election based on our votes by calling or texting in to a number!
2. Iron Chef America + What Not to Wear = Crap to Queen in 1 Hour!
I say we make different people in fashion compete in a Kitchen Arena like atmosphere to see who can make their "hot mess" of a person look better in only 1 hour! A Japanese guy known as "The Chairman" would get the fashion people together...give them equally hideous dressers based on viewer submissions of people who really need it. Then they would get to square off using a secret ingredient...The Chairman could yell what it is at them.... "Today's secret ingredient is LIME GREEN CORDUROY!" (dramatic music) Then the contestants would have 1 hour to get the person looking good by using the secret ingredient. We would also get a super flamboyant gay guy to do the play by play on the sidelines ..."Okay..so he has the fabric...is he making gouchos?? Oh he is! Those are FAB-U-LUS!!!" After the hour was up they would get to submit the person to 3 judges who could say what was done wrong or right (hopefully in a way that is kinda mean to the person who is getting fixed up) and pick a winner. The winner stays until they are beaten by someone in the upcoming weeks!
3. Lockup + Celebrity Rehab = SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU ARE IN REHAB WEATHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
In this Exciting new show we would make a small prison and randomly abduct celebrities that we know are addicts and we force them to change. We put them in cells against there will with gigantic mean actors whom the celebrities would think were actual inmates from other prisons. Maybe Charlie sheen would stop craving sex and drugs so much when his 350lbs. of muscle cell mate that goes by "Death Raper" (real name Chuck Johnson) threatens him every day that he will do terrible things to him, and if he hears about him sleeping around he has people on the outside that will gut him! We would scratch Dr. Drew and instead have armed guards that could say encouraging things like "Don't you eyeball me boy! I will billy club you in the face" or " If I find anything in this room that isn't supposed to be here I will throw you in a cell with (group of different ethnicity with some cool name) and let them turn you inside out!" Not only would it be a sobering experience but they could live in fear that at anytime their friends from "the inside" might find them!
4. Pawn Stars + Antiques Road Show = I Don't Care What It's Worth...I'll Give You $30!
In this neato-frito show we take the cast of pawn kings and send them with the cast of antiques road show. The format will be just like the normal antiques roadshow except that when the item is being appraised by the expert standing at his side will be Rick Harrison and Big Hoss and their job will be to snicker after how much the expert says the item is worth and then try to low-ball the owner. Example:
Appraiser: I would say at auction, this belt buckle could go for As much $700.
Owner: OH WOW!
Rick: (chuckles) What? $700? I'll give you $30!
Owner: What...the expert just said $700
Big Hoss: Yeah, but look, he even said it's worn on the edges..I'll be lucky to get $60 resale!
Owner: It was Worn by General lee in the Civil War!
Rick: Okay...I can go as high at $80! that's WAYYY more than anyone else will give you!
Owner: Fine...
Then they could could cut to Rick and Hoss calling the guy a fool cause they are gonna make mad cash off it, and every few minutes we could cut to Chumlee eating a sandwich and giving a thumbs up!
As you can see the there are just a few of my ideas Hollywood. Give me a ring sometime soon and your people can talk to my people ( keep in mind my people are toddlers and small children so don't use big words) and maybe we could work something out? Sorry if there is nothing involving little people, cakes, or families with 2834729034 kids TLC.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Just Remember...you asked for it.
It's not often people need or want my opinion. In fact a lot of the time I don't want my own opinions. I seem to have a way of looking at the world with the eyes of an innocent child...who is on his 3rd marriage to his nag of a wife, hates his job, and it addicted to horse tranquilizers. So as cool as that might seem it's not always so handy.
I got an letter from one of my loyal readers/ friends from high school that reads:
Dear Cody,
You know something I would like to read about in one of your blogs, chuck e cheese. We went there this weekend and I always think its funny how they give each family a stamp so that the kids cant leave with anyone else and you cant leave with any extra kids. I was thinking... I sure don't want to take home anyone elses kids, I have enough already... and no one would want to take my kids, nor would they be able to, my kids would beat someone down before they even got to the door to check the stamps. So yea, I would like it if you would share your thoughts on this
Sincerely Yours,
Sheri Nunez.
PS - You were so HOT in high school!
Well Sheri thanks for the message I gotcha loud and clear. I always do like good challenge. Lets dive into some of the weirdness that is Chuck-E-Cheese. Just Remember though...you asked for it!
First of all, can we all admit that our children are not getting half of the coolness we got from Chuck-E-Cheese? You know what I'm talking about...where the hell did the Animatronic band go? That was the coolest part of Chuck-E-Cheese (or Showbiz Pizza if you were an 80's kid like me). I mean I am 28 now but if my friend called me up and said "Hey, do you wan to see an animatronic gorilla sing Alice Cooper's Schools out for Summer while being backed my an animatronic band?" Um...HELL YEAH I DO! That to me was the best part. I understand that some places actually still have this, here in Vegas it's one half-assed animatronic Chuck-E and some TV screens.
Secondly, why the hell would you make your mascot a Rat (yes, according to the company he is a mouse....but seriously...if that is not a rat I don't want to know what a rat looks like)? I mean most people would like to keep rats as far away from themselves and their food as possible. I think it might have been a dare the CEO made to see how gullible we are.
CEO: Hey Phil, Dare me to scrap the name Showbiz pizza and rename it Chuck-E-Cheese.
Phil: You sure that's a good Idea Sir?
CEO: Why not, people are stupid! I'll Even replace the mascot with a Rat!
Phil: You mean a cute lil mouse Sir? like Mickey Mouse, or Tom from Tom and Jerry, or Pixie and Dixie Sir?
CEO: No, I mean a big fat ugly ass rat! I mean buck teeth, huge nose, and annoying voice. Who cares? I mean sure they carried the fleas that carried the black plague, and to have them in a restaurant would equal a shut down by any health department but I'm rich! Screw the plebeians!!!
Now on to the topic at hand (or hand stamping if you will...ho ho ho...clever). For those of you who don't know, Chuck-E-Cheese has an attendant at the front desk that stamps your hand with a number in ultraviolet ink and stamps all your kids to with the same number, that way when you go to leave they can check your stamps and be sure they match so some weirdo or pedophile doesn't snatch your kid! Sounds pretty good in theory right. The concept is that as parents you don't have to keep a close eye on you kids now because they can't leave the joint!
A.) Why can't they leave? The 73 yr old man or the 17 yr old 105 lb. girl working the front desk aren't going to be able to stop someone if they really want your kid. It's ultraviolet ink! It's not the collars from The Running Man that are going to make you head explode if you try to leave (although that would be cool to see).
B.) This is just an excuse for lazy ass parents to not watch their stinky kids! I mean why wouldn't you want to share in Ski-ball, or Street Fighter 2 with you kids? These are supposed to be times you can laugh together and make memories.
C.) What the Hell do parent's have to do that is So important at Chuck-E-Cheeses they can't watch their kids? I mean you are obviously not going to be eating? Who they heck wants to eat pizza that tastes like a laminated jockstrap covered in oil? How is the pizza already cold when you get it? I would SERIOUSLY be 100% happier if they just gave me a $1 Totinos Pizza! I don't even tell my kids about the starving children in Africa when they refuse to eat it, I actually am impressed and say..."Good for you kido! Diarrhea is no fun! Go play some games!"
D.) Pedophiles and weirdos are sick, not retarded! I mean its not even like they are using a complicated system. They use a regular rubber stamp with like 4 digits, and ultraviolet ink that you could pick up from anywhere. On that note it might be fun to stamp your kids like 100's of times all over their bodies before you go just to see the front desk persons eyes when you leave.
E.) I sure as hell hope it wasn't an issue with normal folks getting home and going " Ah poop Janet! We brought the wrong Damn kids home again! If only there was a better way! When will science catch up to our stupidity!"
Well Sheri, thanks for the letter and I hope my glance at Chuck-E-Cheese didn't let you down. I'm also glad you realize I was like catnip to girls in high school and was as you put it "Hot."
P.S.- Okay she didn't have a PS on her letter saying I was hot! Is it so wrong to want to feel wanted! Stop Judging me! Fine, I don't need this..I'm getting my ink pad and going out for some pizza!
I got an letter from one of my loyal readers/ friends from high school that reads:
Dear Cody,
You know something I would like to read about in one of your blogs, chuck e cheese. We went there this weekend and I always think its funny how they give each family a stamp so that the kids cant leave with anyone else and you cant leave with any extra kids. I was thinking... I sure don't want to take home anyone elses kids, I have enough already... and no one would want to take my kids, nor would they be able to, my kids would beat someone down before they even got to the door to check the stamps. So yea, I would like it if you would share your thoughts on this
Sincerely Yours,
Sheri Nunez.
PS - You were so HOT in high school!
Well Sheri thanks for the message I gotcha loud and clear. I always do like good challenge. Lets dive into some of the weirdness that is Chuck-E-Cheese. Just Remember though...you asked for it!
First of all, can we all admit that our children are not getting half of the coolness we got from Chuck-E-Cheese? You know what I'm talking about...where the hell did the Animatronic band go? That was the coolest part of Chuck-E-Cheese (or Showbiz Pizza if you were an 80's kid like me). I mean I am 28 now but if my friend called me up and said "Hey, do you wan to see an animatronic gorilla sing Alice Cooper's Schools out for Summer while being backed my an animatronic band?" Um...HELL YEAH I DO! That to me was the best part. I understand that some places actually still have this, here in Vegas it's one half-assed animatronic Chuck-E and some TV screens.
Secondly, why the hell would you make your mascot a Rat (yes, according to the company he is a mouse....but seriously...if that is not a rat I don't want to know what a rat looks like)? I mean most people would like to keep rats as far away from themselves and their food as possible. I think it might have been a dare the CEO made to see how gullible we are.
CEO: Hey Phil, Dare me to scrap the name Showbiz pizza and rename it Chuck-E-Cheese.
Phil: You sure that's a good Idea Sir?
CEO: Why not, people are stupid! I'll Even replace the mascot with a Rat!
Phil: You mean a cute lil mouse Sir? like Mickey Mouse, or Tom from Tom and Jerry, or Pixie and Dixie Sir?
CEO: No, I mean a big fat ugly ass rat! I mean buck teeth, huge nose, and annoying voice. Who cares? I mean sure they carried the fleas that carried the black plague, and to have them in a restaurant would equal a shut down by any health department but I'm rich! Screw the plebeians!!!
Now on to the topic at hand (or hand stamping if you will...ho ho ho...clever). For those of you who don't know, Chuck-E-Cheese has an attendant at the front desk that stamps your hand with a number in ultraviolet ink and stamps all your kids to with the same number, that way when you go to leave they can check your stamps and be sure they match so some weirdo or pedophile doesn't snatch your kid! Sounds pretty good in theory right. The concept is that as parents you don't have to keep a close eye on you kids now because they can't leave the joint!
A.) Why can't they leave? The 73 yr old man or the 17 yr old 105 lb. girl working the front desk aren't going to be able to stop someone if they really want your kid. It's ultraviolet ink! It's not the collars from The Running Man that are going to make you head explode if you try to leave (although that would be cool to see).
B.) This is just an excuse for lazy ass parents to not watch their stinky kids! I mean why wouldn't you want to share in Ski-ball, or Street Fighter 2 with you kids? These are supposed to be times you can laugh together and make memories.
C.) What the Hell do parent's have to do that is So important at Chuck-E-Cheeses they can't watch their kids? I mean you are obviously not going to be eating? Who they heck wants to eat pizza that tastes like a laminated jockstrap covered in oil? How is the pizza already cold when you get it? I would SERIOUSLY be 100% happier if they just gave me a $1 Totinos Pizza! I don't even tell my kids about the starving children in Africa when they refuse to eat it, I actually am impressed and say..."Good for you kido! Diarrhea is no fun! Go play some games!"
D.) Pedophiles and weirdos are sick, not retarded! I mean its not even like they are using a complicated system. They use a regular rubber stamp with like 4 digits, and ultraviolet ink that you could pick up from anywhere. On that note it might be fun to stamp your kids like 100's of times all over their bodies before you go just to see the front desk persons eyes when you leave.
E.) I sure as hell hope it wasn't an issue with normal folks getting home and going " Ah poop Janet! We brought the wrong Damn kids home again! If only there was a better way! When will science catch up to our stupidity!"
Well Sheri, thanks for the letter and I hope my glance at Chuck-E-Cheese didn't let you down. I'm also glad you realize I was like catnip to girls in high school and was as you put it "Hot."
P.S.- Okay she didn't have a PS on her letter saying I was hot! Is it so wrong to want to feel wanted! Stop Judging me! Fine, I don't need this..I'm getting my ink pad and going out for some pizza!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
My Proposal For Fixing The Oil Disaster And Creating A "Grip" Of Jobs!
So if you couldn't tell by the title of today's blog I have come up with an awesome solution to fix the oil crisis in the Gulf of Mexico and create jobs!
Step 1. Men, what do you do when you have something in your home that is leaking, destroying everything around it, bringing sadness and fear to those in that environment....stick a tampon in it right! So step one will be to build the worlds second largest tampon (slightly smaller than Lindsay Lohan's)! This will require ruffly 700 million pounds of cotton! So we will have to hire millions of unemployed Americans to help grow the cotton (supporting Americas farms rock!) and we will need millions to help construct the tampon (creating a "grip" of jobs). Now I know what you are thinking...Cody....how the hell will we get the giant tampon to the wellhead without it absorbing all the water before it gets to the oil? MORE JOBS!!!! WE GET TO MAKE THE WORLDS LARGEST PLASTIC APPLICATOR (Lohan uses cardboard)! I am proposing we make it from 100% recycled plastic from our nations landfills (Saving the earth too..damn son)! And afterward we can donate sections of it to local skate parks as half pipes (helping fight Americas childhood obesity situation...and yes...MORE JOBS!). We would also get to hire major companies all over the country to build a giant finger and millions of nail technicians to french tip the giant finger needed to work the applicator! But Cody....Tampons don't last forever right? No they do not, that is why we will have to construct a gigantic retrieval string, and a box of several thicknesses of oil spill tampons (for those lighter days...more and more jobs). Also as many of you ladies know, tampons can be scented so here is a chance to make the gulf smell nice too! We could do vanilla, sugar cookie, pine, or my personal fave New Car!!! Then we can simply ring out the millions of barrels of oil from the tampons and recycle the cotton (More jobs). I would Let my good friend Brandon Baird be in charge of this one, he once fixed a radiator leak in my t-bird with a tampon....he's the man (although it took us 6 men like 2 hours to figure out how the applicator worked).
Step 2. We will still have all the oil in the water and on the animals, so I am saying we get the good people at Mr. Clean to create the worlds largest Magic Eraser! Lets face it...there is nothing those things can't clean up! I'm not sure if they sold their souls to Satan to come up with this brilliant product but they rock. So we will have to construct large ships to move the eraser up and down the gulf and wash the oil off the water and animals (Mo Jobs, Mo Jobs, Mo jobs)!
Step 3. Now there are cracks in the pipes causing slower leaks as well Cody.. our giant tampons won't fix them right? Men already know where this is going.....Duct Tape! Is there anything Duct tape can't fix (it fixes clothes, cracks, tears, pipes, my friend Jeff's bong, marriages). So we simply tape up the cracks and forget about it!
So how many jobs did I just create....um...millions! did I save the environment....Yes! All I ask for in return America is you help me pay off my student loans, and get me a PS3.....pretty fare trade!
Step 1. Men, what do you do when you have something in your home that is leaking, destroying everything around it, bringing sadness and fear to those in that environment....stick a tampon in it right! So step one will be to build the worlds second largest tampon (slightly smaller than Lindsay Lohan's)! This will require ruffly 700 million pounds of cotton! So we will have to hire millions of unemployed Americans to help grow the cotton (supporting Americas farms rock!) and we will need millions to help construct the tampon (creating a "grip" of jobs). Now I know what you are thinking...Cody....how the hell will we get the giant tampon to the wellhead without it absorbing all the water before it gets to the oil? MORE JOBS!!!! WE GET TO MAKE THE WORLDS LARGEST PLASTIC APPLICATOR (Lohan uses cardboard)! I am proposing we make it from 100% recycled plastic from our nations landfills (Saving the earth too..damn son)! And afterward we can donate sections of it to local skate parks as half pipes (helping fight Americas childhood obesity situation...and yes...MORE JOBS!). We would also get to hire major companies all over the country to build a giant finger and millions of nail technicians to french tip the giant finger needed to work the applicator! But Cody....Tampons don't last forever right? No they do not, that is why we will have to construct a gigantic retrieval string, and a box of several thicknesses of oil spill tampons (for those lighter days...more and more jobs). Also as many of you ladies know, tampons can be scented so here is a chance to make the gulf smell nice too! We could do vanilla, sugar cookie, pine, or my personal fave New Car!!! Then we can simply ring out the millions of barrels of oil from the tampons and recycle the cotton (More jobs). I would Let my good friend Brandon Baird be in charge of this one, he once fixed a radiator leak in my t-bird with a tampon....he's the man (although it took us 6 men like 2 hours to figure out how the applicator worked).
Step 2. We will still have all the oil in the water and on the animals, so I am saying we get the good people at Mr. Clean to create the worlds largest Magic Eraser! Lets face it...there is nothing those things can't clean up! I'm not sure if they sold their souls to Satan to come up with this brilliant product but they rock. So we will have to construct large ships to move the eraser up and down the gulf and wash the oil off the water and animals (Mo Jobs, Mo Jobs, Mo jobs)!
Step 3. Now there are cracks in the pipes causing slower leaks as well Cody.. our giant tampons won't fix them right? Men already know where this is going.....Duct Tape! Is there anything Duct tape can't fix (it fixes clothes, cracks, tears, pipes, my friend Jeff's bong, marriages). So we simply tape up the cracks and forget about it!
So how many jobs did I just create....um...millions! did I save the environment....Yes! All I ask for in return America is you help me pay off my student loans, and get me a PS3.....pretty fare trade!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
My Bucket List.
The Movie ' The Bucket List' has inspired many people to create their own bucket lists. A bucket list for those of you who live under rocks (or in Texas/Utah) is a list of things you would like to do before you die or "kick the bucket" so today I thought I would share 5 of the things on my bucket list with you.
CODY'S SUPER BUCKET LIST
1. I want to run for public office! Not so much because I would like to win an election but because I would like to do what all the butt-holes in Vegas do and litter my City with catchy campaign signs. Not only would I put up a gross amount of signs but they would have messed up slogans. Such as "CODY WILCOX FOR MAYOR...GETTING SEX OFFENDERS OFF THE STREET...AND BACK IN THE CLASSROOM!" or "CODY WILCOX FOR SHERIFF ..... CAUSE THOSE PUPPIES AREN'T GOING TO PUNCH THEMSELVES!" or "IF YOU LIKE QUIET NEIGHBORHOODS, LOWER TAXES, AND HIV ....VOTE CODY WILCOX FOR DISTRICT 5 COMPTROLLER!" Then in the end it would just be great to see how many votes I actually got!
2. I want to teach English to those who do not speak it. I think teaching an ESL class would be fun because I can teach them how to speak incorrectly. I would teach them words like aint, pea-can (pecan), warsh (wash), britches (pants), crick (stream). I would also make sure that all my movies we watched in class contained a silly amount of poor English (Casino, New Jack City, Boyz N the Hood) and I think we would take a field trip to New Jersey...that would mess um up!
3. Fight Childhood obesity...literally. I'm just saying that going 4 rounds bare knuckle boxing in and effort to stop fat kids from getting fat might be good for them. It would give them plenty of exercise, would give them some positive self esteem, might feel like a punishment for eating to much (especially when every time I land a blow I say "that's for the porkchop!"), and if nothing else, learning how to get out of a rear naked choke is it's own reward!
4. Eat at Jason's Deli and not get Diarrhea (long shot right......been there 5 times....yet to not get the squirt-aroos)
5. Go to every hospital in Vegas and fill out intake forms based on 80's song lyrics. I would have symptoms such as "I got a bad case of loving you," being "unable to fight this feeling anymore, along with not being able to remember what I started fighting for." ...I would always ask if I could see "Dr. Feelgood because he is the one that makes me feel all right!" and my personal favorite would be saying that that "I seem to have an invisible touch, that is reaching in a grabs a hold of my heart/slowly tears me apart!"
Sure they may not seem as lofty as other peoples goals...but to each his own. Don't forget to vote for me next week...or you're pro date rape and cookies!
CODY'S SUPER BUCKET LIST
1. I want to run for public office! Not so much because I would like to win an election but because I would like to do what all the butt-holes in Vegas do and litter my City with catchy campaign signs. Not only would I put up a gross amount of signs but they would have messed up slogans. Such as "CODY WILCOX FOR MAYOR...GETTING SEX OFFENDERS OFF THE STREET...AND BACK IN THE CLASSROOM!" or "CODY WILCOX FOR SHERIFF ..... CAUSE THOSE PUPPIES AREN'T GOING TO PUNCH THEMSELVES!" or "IF YOU LIKE QUIET NEIGHBORHOODS, LOWER TAXES, AND HIV ....VOTE CODY WILCOX FOR DISTRICT 5 COMPTROLLER!" Then in the end it would just be great to see how many votes I actually got!
2. I want to teach English to those who do not speak it. I think teaching an ESL class would be fun because I can teach them how to speak incorrectly. I would teach them words like aint, pea-can (pecan), warsh (wash), britches (pants), crick (stream). I would also make sure that all my movies we watched in class contained a silly amount of poor English (Casino, New Jack City, Boyz N the Hood) and I think we would take a field trip to New Jersey...that would mess um up!
3. Fight Childhood obesity...literally. I'm just saying that going 4 rounds bare knuckle boxing in and effort to stop fat kids from getting fat might be good for them. It would give them plenty of exercise, would give them some positive self esteem, might feel like a punishment for eating to much (especially when every time I land a blow I say "that's for the porkchop!"), and if nothing else, learning how to get out of a rear naked choke is it's own reward!
4. Eat at Jason's Deli and not get Diarrhea (long shot right......been there 5 times....yet to not get the squirt-aroos)
5. Go to every hospital in Vegas and fill out intake forms based on 80's song lyrics. I would have symptoms such as "I got a bad case of loving you," being "unable to fight this feeling anymore, along with not being able to remember what I started fighting for." ...I would always ask if I could see "Dr. Feelgood because he is the one that makes me feel all right!" and my personal favorite would be saying that that "I seem to have an invisible touch, that is reaching in a grabs a hold of my heart/slowly tears me apart!"
Sure they may not seem as lofty as other peoples goals...but to each his own. Don't forget to vote for me next week...or you're pro date rape and cookies!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
A Real Hero,
I feel that most of the time when we think about a hero we think about celebrities, athletes, and world leaders but seldom think about our parents enough. I know some of us would say our parents if we were forced to name a hero but even then I'm not sure if we ever have a good reason for it. My mother is a hero because she is a better person than I am and does things that require super human strength and abilities.
My mother has been a dental hygienist for as long as I can remember. She has always been a model employee, and taken a genuine interest in her co-workers and employers. She has also always been the bread winner in our house (doesn't take much when you marry a teacher). Nothing about this sounds super human right? oh but it is...
We moved to Bullhead City Arizona just a few weeks before my 7th birthday from our modest home in Laramie Wyoming. I remember I constantly found myself being in and out of trouble as a child between fighting, threatening teachers, and doing everything bad a child could do...I was out of control. My mother had told me that the move was a chance to start over and that I could change anything I wanted to when I got to Az. I however, didn't take advantage of it and still found myself getting in just as much trouble despite my parents trying everything to help me.
My Mother found work at a Local dental office called Valley Dental under a Dr. White. It was and still is a small office in an okay part of town. She spent her days doing the work there and always said that while her boss was odd he was a good dentist that did top notch work. I got to know her boss a little better when he became my little league coach. Dr. White was an okay coach but made it very apparent that he could care less what his children did. His son Willy seemed to spend the time he could have used playing baseball on our team making fun of me. I remember it finally came to a head and when I confronted him in front of our coach/his father I was told I was in the wrong and Willy wasn't doing anything and when I yelled at Willie His dad pushed me to the ground in front of my mother. I knew then this was a special guy.
It wasn't to long after we moved to Bullhead that my mother was Diagnosed with Lupus. In it's most basic terms it is a autoimmune disease that causes the body to attack itself. Lupus seems to have the most effect on the destroying of connective tissues like ligaments and tendons which don't repair easily even in a healthy body. Needless to say that was the root of her Rheumatoid arthritis which most diagnosed with Lupus do have. I remember how brave she was and how worried I was that it was more serious. As a dental hygienist this was a tuff blow because every night she would come home and you could see the swelling and pain she was having in her knuckles from all the repetitive use of her hands and the breakdown and inflammation of those tissues. She also battled thyroid cancer and had her thyroid gland alone which can cause some pretty adverse effects as well, and all this and still showed up for work nearly every day. How many of us could have done that?
During her time at the office she sat through A LOT of Drama. My mother always seemed to end up playing the Jimmy Cricket roll at her work and had to talk sence into her boss since he lacks every social grace known to man. Finally in the last few years the drama has come to a spearhead when the Dr. got a divorce from his wife. His wife (who is out of his league in the looks dept.) had worked hard to put him through dental school but it apparently wasn't enough when he decided to cheat on her with an assistant (younger than some of his children) and start a new family with her. As you can imagine this didn't stay under wraps that well in small town. When word of the affair with the young gold digger got out business took a huge hit (and all this at the beginning of the recession!!! hooray!!!) Even though all of this happened the new Mrs. White got promoted to Office Manager...(I'll take business ethics for $1000 Alec) I had assumed that after this she would jump ship like the others since her boss had finally proved he was a soulless creep.
I remember being SO pissed at her when she told me she had no intention of leaving the office. (This is where the super human part comes in) She told me that what he had done was very wrong, but everyone makes mistakes and he needed some stability in the office and it should be her. The Guy hadn't even given her a raise in over 20 years. She made the same wage she was making in the 80's, she has to deal with the abomination that is his new marraige on a daily basis, he proved his lack of leadership by doing this and driving their number of patients into the ground !!!!! WHO COULD STAND FOR THIS!!!! IT WOULD HAVE TO TAKE SUPER HUMAN POWERS TO PUT UP WITH THIS BS!!!!
Recently Dr. White after 20 years and after her asking gave my mother a raise. To accompany this raise though he brought in a new hygentist to take over some of my mothers patients cutting her hours in half. She will now loose her benefits because he wants to "change the dynamic of the office." The only women still by his side from over 2 decades ago and this is how he has treats her? She now worries how she will make ends meet since the dental hygiene clinic at the community college opened in Bullhead jobs in the field have been scarce (which yes my mom did work at at the college part time in the program...so she was helping create her own doom). Through all of the Dr.s highs and lows my mother backed her boss even when all he did was bring her down.
My mother worked everyday with severe arthritis, put up with her boss being a retard, made a 1989 wage, put up with me being a rotten turd, and still put a home cooked meal on the table every night and always made it clear how much she loved her family. If that isn't super human I'm not sure what is. My mom will always be a hero to me, and should have never had to deal with some of the thing she has. She should go to the cardiologist to check to see if she has an enlarged heart because she loves to much, even those who don't deserve it. So in summation.... Iron Man can Suck it! Lets see him do half of what Maggie Wilcox can do.
My mother has been a dental hygienist for as long as I can remember. She has always been a model employee, and taken a genuine interest in her co-workers and employers. She has also always been the bread winner in our house (doesn't take much when you marry a teacher). Nothing about this sounds super human right? oh but it is...
We moved to Bullhead City Arizona just a few weeks before my 7th birthday from our modest home in Laramie Wyoming. I remember I constantly found myself being in and out of trouble as a child between fighting, threatening teachers, and doing everything bad a child could do...I was out of control. My mother had told me that the move was a chance to start over and that I could change anything I wanted to when I got to Az. I however, didn't take advantage of it and still found myself getting in just as much trouble despite my parents trying everything to help me.
My Mother found work at a Local dental office called Valley Dental under a Dr. White. It was and still is a small office in an okay part of town. She spent her days doing the work there and always said that while her boss was odd he was a good dentist that did top notch work. I got to know her boss a little better when he became my little league coach. Dr. White was an okay coach but made it very apparent that he could care less what his children did. His son Willy seemed to spend the time he could have used playing baseball on our team making fun of me. I remember it finally came to a head and when I confronted him in front of our coach/his father I was told I was in the wrong and Willy wasn't doing anything and when I yelled at Willie His dad pushed me to the ground in front of my mother. I knew then this was a special guy.
It wasn't to long after we moved to Bullhead that my mother was Diagnosed with Lupus. In it's most basic terms it is a autoimmune disease that causes the body to attack itself. Lupus seems to have the most effect on the destroying of connective tissues like ligaments and tendons which don't repair easily even in a healthy body. Needless to say that was the root of her Rheumatoid arthritis which most diagnosed with Lupus do have. I remember how brave she was and how worried I was that it was more serious. As a dental hygienist this was a tuff blow because every night she would come home and you could see the swelling and pain she was having in her knuckles from all the repetitive use of her hands and the breakdown and inflammation of those tissues. She also battled thyroid cancer and had her thyroid gland alone which can cause some pretty adverse effects as well, and all this and still showed up for work nearly every day. How many of us could have done that?
During her time at the office she sat through A LOT of Drama. My mother always seemed to end up playing the Jimmy Cricket roll at her work and had to talk sence into her boss since he lacks every social grace known to man. Finally in the last few years the drama has come to a spearhead when the Dr. got a divorce from his wife. His wife (who is out of his league in the looks dept.) had worked hard to put him through dental school but it apparently wasn't enough when he decided to cheat on her with an assistant (younger than some of his children) and start a new family with her. As you can imagine this didn't stay under wraps that well in small town. When word of the affair with the young gold digger got out business took a huge hit (and all this at the beginning of the recession!!! hooray!!!) Even though all of this happened the new Mrs. White got promoted to Office Manager...(I'll take business ethics for $1000 Alec) I had assumed that after this she would jump ship like the others since her boss had finally proved he was a soulless creep.
I remember being SO pissed at her when she told me she had no intention of leaving the office. (This is where the super human part comes in) She told me that what he had done was very wrong, but everyone makes mistakes and he needed some stability in the office and it should be her. The Guy hadn't even given her a raise in over 20 years. She made the same wage she was making in the 80's, she has to deal with the abomination that is his new marraige on a daily basis, he proved his lack of leadership by doing this and driving their number of patients into the ground !!!!! WHO COULD STAND FOR THIS!!!! IT WOULD HAVE TO TAKE SUPER HUMAN POWERS TO PUT UP WITH THIS BS!!!!
Recently Dr. White after 20 years and after her asking gave my mother a raise. To accompany this raise though he brought in a new hygentist to take over some of my mothers patients cutting her hours in half. She will now loose her benefits because he wants to "change the dynamic of the office." The only women still by his side from over 2 decades ago and this is how he has treats her? She now worries how she will make ends meet since the dental hygiene clinic at the community college opened in Bullhead jobs in the field have been scarce (which yes my mom did work at at the college part time in the program...so she was helping create her own doom). Through all of the Dr.s highs and lows my mother backed her boss even when all he did was bring her down.
My mother worked everyday with severe arthritis, put up with her boss being a retard, made a 1989 wage, put up with me being a rotten turd, and still put a home cooked meal on the table every night and always made it clear how much she loved her family. If that isn't super human I'm not sure what is. My mom will always be a hero to me, and should have never had to deal with some of the thing she has. She should go to the cardiologist to check to see if she has an enlarged heart because she loves to much, even those who don't deserve it. So in summation.... Iron Man can Suck it! Lets see him do half of what Maggie Wilcox can do.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Does Hollywood's Weener Hurt From Screwing My Childhood?
Does Hollywood's weener hurt from screwing my childhood? Like a lot of you who read my blog (yes..I realize that's like 6 of you) I am a 80's child which while in fashion it brought us crap in movie and TV it brought us gold. But it seems just when things are looking good Hollywood has to get in there and screw with it. Why can't the great things of my youth just be left alone?
1. The Karate Kid is being remade. WHY??? What the hell was wrong with the first one? I haven't even seen the movie yet and still I can tell it will be crap. Let's start with the title "The Karate Kid," I have only seen the previews and Jackie Chan says "I will teach you real Kung-Fu"..SO WHY ARE WE EVEN CALLING IT THE KARATE KID IF HE IS TEACHING HIM KUNG-FU!!!! Next lets discuss the age of the main character...he is merely a child while Daniel was a high school senior which made it more of a "coming of age" story filled with teenage issues (love, popularity, first car...etc) that made for interesting subplots a lot the way. Mr. Miyagi was from Okinawa Japan, not China...why do we have to mess up his ethnicity? Johnny Lawrence (the blond kid who was the bad guy from the Cobra Kai Dojo) might have been the most awesome teenage bad guy ever of the 80's. Johnny was snotty, rude, Aryan, and had the Billy Idol-esque snear that was great and made you want to hate him, now I have to have hate Chinese school yard bullies...not the same. I don't even know how to cheer "SWEEP THE LEG" in Cantonese.
2. GI-Joe finally hits the big screen and is turned into poop! I'm not sure how in the world GI-Joe managed to be about soldiers in "Super Suits" when that is clearly not what it was about. It was about special forces of the military that
dressed a lot like the village people fighting the evil force known as C.O.B.R.A! It had nothing to do with super suits! And NO ONE had bullets in GI-Joe...everything shot lasers that made awesome sounds and never ran out of ammo. Why is Hollywood doing this to me?
3. 'Love Don't Cost a Thing'? I don't know if you were ever sitting down and watching 'Money Can't By Me Love' and thinking this is good but it would be so much better if we had and all black cast and somehow got Nick Cannon involved. BY FAR Patrick Dempsy's best work (sorry all you retards who think Grey's Anatomy is good) as he plays the role of the nerd who rents the hotest/most popular girl in school to make him popular and in the end lessons are learned and love blooms. So in 2003 Hollywood decided it was to good of a thing to leave alone and redid the movie but changed the title because the original title/Beetles hit was too white, got an all black cast, and replaced Dempsy with Cannon (cause cannon pulls off outcast so well). Why don't we recast any movie we didn't feel had enough black people in it. Coming soon Lil Bow Wow can star in a remake of 'Better Off Dead' but we can change the title to 'Betta Off Deceased." I wouldn't Remake 'Boys In The Hood' or 'House Party' with white people....it is prefect the way it is.
4. I'm not 100% but I think they only redid 'The Dukes of Hazzard' in 2005 so we could stare at Jessica Simpson's cleavage for 120min. Another great thing that didn't need to be touched. Johnny Knoxville while I do like him can't act and why is the Stiffler with him? The movie had no plot and worst of all was Burt Reynolds as Boss Hog! WTH happened there? Did we run out of Fat Southern Gentlemen and so we had to cast the Bandit?
The list could go on and on and on. I am not saying all remakes are bad, but if something is not broken lets not fix it! I swear on everything holy if Red Dawn, Goonies, MASK, Small Wonder, or any of this stuff from childhood get raped again I should be allowed to sue. Hollywood has stolen my innocence (and I only thought that happened to waitresses there who were doing porn till the get their big break)!
1. The Karate Kid is being remade. WHY??? What the hell was wrong with the first one? I haven't even seen the movie yet and still I can tell it will be crap. Let's start with the title "The Karate Kid," I have only seen the previews and Jackie Chan says "I will teach you real Kung-Fu"..SO WHY ARE WE EVEN CALLING IT THE KARATE KID IF HE IS TEACHING HIM KUNG-FU!!!! Next lets discuss the age of the main character...he is merely a child while Daniel was a high school senior which made it more of a "coming of age" story filled with teenage issues (love, popularity, first car...etc) that made for interesting subplots a lot the way. Mr. Miyagi was from Okinawa Japan, not China...why do we have to mess up his ethnicity? Johnny Lawrence (the blond kid who was the bad guy from the Cobra Kai Dojo) might have been the most awesome teenage bad guy ever of the 80's. Johnny was snotty, rude, Aryan, and had the Billy Idol-esque snear that was great and made you want to hate him, now I have to have hate Chinese school yard bullies...not the same. I don't even know how to cheer "SWEEP THE LEG" in Cantonese.
2. GI-Joe finally hits the big screen and is turned into poop! I'm not sure how in the world GI-Joe managed to be about soldiers in "Super Suits" when that is clearly not what it was about. It was about special forces of the military that
dressed a lot like the village people fighting the evil force known as C.O.B.R.A! It had nothing to do with super suits! And NO ONE had bullets in GI-Joe...everything shot lasers that made awesome sounds and never ran out of ammo. Why is Hollywood doing this to me?3. 'Love Don't Cost a Thing'? I don't know if you were ever sitting down and watching 'Money Can't By Me Love' and thinking this is good but it would be so much better if we had and all black cast and somehow got Nick Cannon involved. BY FAR Patrick Dempsy's best work (sorry all you retards who think Grey's Anatomy is good) as he plays the role of the nerd who rents the hotest/most popular girl in school to make him popular and in the end lessons are learned and love blooms. So in 2003 Hollywood decided it was to good of a thing to leave alone and redid the movie but changed the title because the original title/Beetles hit was too white, got an all black cast, and replaced Dempsy with Cannon (cause cannon pulls off outcast so well). Why don't we recast any movie we didn't feel had enough black people in it. Coming soon Lil Bow Wow can star in a remake of 'Better Off Dead' but we can change the title to 'Betta Off Deceased." I wouldn't Remake 'Boys In The Hood' or 'House Party' with white people....it is prefect the way it is.
4. I'm not 100% but I think they only redid 'The Dukes of Hazzard' in 2005 so we could stare at Jessica Simpson's cleavage for 120min. Another great thing that didn't need to be touched. Johnny Knoxville while I do like him can't act and why is the Stiffler with him? The movie had no plot and worst of all was Burt Reynolds as Boss Hog! WTH happened there? Did we run out of Fat Southern Gentlemen and so we had to cast the Bandit?
The list could go on and on and on. I am not saying all remakes are bad, but if something is not broken lets not fix it! I swear on everything holy if Red Dawn, Goonies, MASK, Small Wonder, or any of this stuff from childhood get raped again I should be allowed to sue. Hollywood has stolen my innocence (and I only thought that happened to waitresses there who were doing porn till the get their big break)!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Finally a FUN Craigslist.
So here is what I am thinking. I want to set up a craigslist but only for the items craigslist will not allow you to sell. That's right, I am talking about weapons, bodily fluids, pet parts, and drugs all at codyslist!
In today's world home burglary is on the rise and you need to be safe! I mean yeah you could spend the money on a security system but you have to make payments and let stangers into your home for install. You could get a guard dog but you have to feed it, water it, and it's not going to be very effective if you don't abuse it so it is mistrusting of humans and distempered. You could also try to rely on the local law enforcement but what if you are not rich and white? If only there was a site that allowed you to buy guns, tazers, nun-chucks, switch blades, anti-aircraft weaponry at low low bargain basement prices from individuals who have no need for them. Imagine the saftey you will feel at night sleeping close to your AK-47, and a box of Cambodian land mines! Locals in your area may be selling their extra weapons at these low prices and my site could connect you with them! Sounds like peace of mind to me!
Suppose your kid comes home (hate it when they do that) and it's that time of year again....SCIENCE FAIR TIME!!! Your daughter Sally was up all night last night watching Mary Shelly's Frankenstein because you passed out after only your 5th beer and 2nd bucket of KFC and forgot to send her to bed. You awake to find that she is set on reanimating your cat "Mr. Pussin Toots III" you buried 3 months ago in the back yard! Sounds like a can't miss blue ribbon at the science fair! Only problem is that Mr. Pussin Toots III died because his kidneys and liver shut down, what are you going to do? With codyslist you could simply scroll to the "Animal Parts" section and find many local people area with just the parts you need! Even though you might not find a cat liver...maybe you find a weener dog liver, the experiment just got cooler! What Fun! Imagine your kid taking top honors in the science fair despite all the times you told them they would amount to nothing just like their whore mother!
I know that if you're like me you are sitting around with all these stupid fluids! I constantly find myself thinking..."Wow, I have so much extra blood, plasma, urine, cerebro spinal fluid, and feces I'm not even using!" Finally you can make some quick cash from selling your bodily fluids and excretions to others! Imagine how well little Sally's reanimated cat will be running on your AB+ blood and plasma! Who knows, maybe there are constipated teens that really want to light bags of their feces on fire on an old mans front porch but they are all constipated! here is your chance to get paid from sitting around and doing crap LITERALLY!!!!
If you haven't noticed, our health care in the US has something to be desired. A lot of our elderly can't afford their medications and meanwhile alot of us have old prescription meds or meds we have made that we are not even using! Finally grandma can get the Diazepam and Plavix fix she needs all conveniently laced with Flinstone's Vitamins and baking soda (maybe it will get rid of that old person smell she gives off)! Finally, prescription drug and amateur chemist reform in this great country...you're welcome.
Think It's a great idea? suggestions for other sections of codyslist? wonder what prison I blog from? leave some feedback!
In today's world home burglary is on the rise and you need to be safe! I mean yeah you could spend the money on a security system but you have to make payments and let stangers into your home for install. You could get a guard dog but you have to feed it, water it, and it's not going to be very effective if you don't abuse it so it is mistrusting of humans and distempered. You could also try to rely on the local law enforcement but what if you are not rich and white? If only there was a site that allowed you to buy guns, tazers, nun-chucks, switch blades, anti-aircraft weaponry at low low bargain basement prices from individuals who have no need for them. Imagine the saftey you will feel at night sleeping close to your AK-47, and a box of Cambodian land mines! Locals in your area may be selling their extra weapons at these low prices and my site could connect you with them! Sounds like peace of mind to me!
Suppose your kid comes home (hate it when they do that) and it's that time of year again....SCIENCE FAIR TIME!!! Your daughter Sally was up all night last night watching Mary Shelly's Frankenstein because you passed out after only your 5th beer and 2nd bucket of KFC and forgot to send her to bed. You awake to find that she is set on reanimating your cat "Mr. Pussin Toots III" you buried 3 months ago in the back yard! Sounds like a can't miss blue ribbon at the science fair! Only problem is that Mr. Pussin Toots III died because his kidneys and liver shut down, what are you going to do? With codyslist you could simply scroll to the "Animal Parts" section and find many local people area with just the parts you need! Even though you might not find a cat liver...maybe you find a weener dog liver, the experiment just got cooler! What Fun! Imagine your kid taking top honors in the science fair despite all the times you told them they would amount to nothing just like their whore mother!
I know that if you're like me you are sitting around with all these stupid fluids! I constantly find myself thinking..."Wow, I have so much extra blood, plasma, urine, cerebro spinal fluid, and feces I'm not even using!" Finally you can make some quick cash from selling your bodily fluids and excretions to others! Imagine how well little Sally's reanimated cat will be running on your AB+ blood and plasma! Who knows, maybe there are constipated teens that really want to light bags of their feces on fire on an old mans front porch but they are all constipated! here is your chance to get paid from sitting around and doing crap LITERALLY!!!!
If you haven't noticed, our health care in the US has something to be desired. A lot of our elderly can't afford their medications and meanwhile alot of us have old prescription meds or meds we have made that we are not even using! Finally grandma can get the Diazepam and Plavix fix she needs all conveniently laced with Flinstone's Vitamins and baking soda (maybe it will get rid of that old person smell she gives off)! Finally, prescription drug and amateur chemist reform in this great country...you're welcome.
Think It's a great idea? suggestions for other sections of codyslist? wonder what prison I blog from? leave some feedback!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Dora The Explorer....Role Model?
So I was watching TV with the kids the other day when 'Dora the Explorer' came on. If you live in a cave or don't have have children this show is about a 3 yr old Latina/Chicana/Hispanic (or whatever they want to be called) girl who sets out on adventures and explores the world around her with the help of her monkey friend named Boots. Am I the only person who watches this show and is more and more pissed?
1.) Is it safe to send a 3 yr old out on their own armed with only a map, a backpack, and a retarded monkey? I dropped my 3yr old nephew off in North Town with a Map Quest printout containing directions home, a backpack full of random items, and a spider monkey wearing human clothing. Where the hell is he already? Dora knocks this crap out in like 30 minutes? Is it because he is Polynesian not Hispanic (like there is a difference)? Who knows what could have happened? Apparently there are no kidnappers in Latin America cause I already have like 7 ransom notes in my mail box! His parents are going to be pissed the ransom for the monkey is higher. If this is not enough she encounters dangerous wild animals like bears, crocodiles, tigers, lions, and snakes all the time! Is this telling our children that they can simply sing a bear or snake away from them...YES!!!
2.) Why the hell does everyone in that show speak Spanish? For instance in one Christmas episode they recruit the help of a Husky at the north poll on the way to save Santa and he only speaks Spanish! WTH? When would a sled dog ever only speak Spanish? He is thousands of miles away from the closest Mexican boarder! Is this just symbolism that the whole illegal immigration thing has gotten out of control ...even in Canada? At no point in time does she ever attempt to teach them English..instead she says "_____ only speaks Spanish, so to open the ____ we have to say habre." It's never "_____ only speaks Spanish, lets teach him the word Open in English."
3.) What kind on monkey is Boots? First of all he is a near naked monkey that insists on only wearing clashing red boots and likes to sing and dance (gay or what?) He somehow lives near Dora but doesn't speak Spanish, apparently everyone around her speaks it but not Boots. He has no natural monkey instincts! He will encounter a Grumpy Old Troll who runs a toll operation on a bridge they always need to cross and solve the Troll's riddle to get across ...Hello...Where is the poop flinging!?!?! I tried it at a local toll booth and believe me the guy didn't mess with me again, poop flinging works...but he is so out of touch with his monkey roots that he doesn't even realize it.
4,) Are there no police in wherever the hell this is? If there were the parents probably need to be arrested on 100 accounts of neglect and child endangerment! And Swiper the Fox still has not been captured? If I had the same fox stealing crap from me wherever I went I would think calling the police would be a good option. I think Dora like Carmello Anthony is a firm believer in the "Don't Snitch" idea. It seems like a call to the police/fire department would solve a lot of her problems, then again I'm sure she has outstanding warrants.
5.) What the hell is the back pack made of? If you watch this program you've seen that each episode she needs something out of her backpack and she needs help find the item among 4-6 other items. I watched one episode and we had to pick from a big ladder, a small ladder, 2 space suits, a soccer ball, and a teddy bear....how big is this damn backpack? I mean she is 3 and this purple backpack doesn't seem big to me?
How can this backpack hold all this crap? Why is there never a necessity in there? Never like a cell phone, food, water, a shirt that doesn't show her gut...etc....
6.) Where the hell does she live? I think It is safe to say that it is south of the Mexican/American boarder somewhere. It seems like it takes her no time to get from forest, to snow, to desert, to rain forest, to geyser that shoots bubbles, no idea what continent had all this crap within walking distance. Somehow she is in some part of this that has no crazy dictatorship, has a high crime with no police force, she doesn't have to sell Chiclets, there are kings and queens constantly on the show? I think it's safe to assume it's not in Arizona, they wouldn't stand for this crap.
7.) Dora started on Nickelodeon in 2000 and was 3 so she should now be a 13 yr old nickelodeon skankeroo right? I mean look at all these young Teen Disney/Teen Nick girls already selling sex on a subconscious level (Demi Lavato, Miranda Cosgrove, Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff, S
elena Gomez) how come Dora isn't getting in on this?
So I think you should join me is banning Dora from the home. She is creepy, a bad example, doesn't know how to match her clothes, and is being treated like crap by Nickelodeon...despite being so sexy.
1.) Is it safe to send a 3 yr old out on their own armed with only a map, a backpack, and a retarded monkey? I dropped my 3yr old nephew off in North Town with a Map Quest printout containing directions home, a backpack full of random items, and a spider monkey wearing human clothing. Where the hell is he already? Dora knocks this crap out in like 30 minutes? Is it because he is Polynesian not Hispanic (like there is a difference)? Who knows what could have happened? Apparently there are no kidnappers in Latin America cause I already have like 7 ransom notes in my mail box! His parents are going to be pissed the ransom for the monkey is higher. If this is not enough she encounters dangerous wild animals like bears, crocodiles, tigers, lions, and snakes all the time! Is this telling our children that they can simply sing a bear or snake away from them...YES!!!
2.) Why the hell does everyone in that show speak Spanish? For instance in one Christmas episode they recruit the help of a Husky at the north poll on the way to save Santa and he only speaks Spanish! WTH? When would a sled dog ever only speak Spanish? He is thousands of miles away from the closest Mexican boarder! Is this just symbolism that the whole illegal immigration thing has gotten out of control ...even in Canada? At no point in time does she ever attempt to teach them English..instead she says "_____ only speaks Spanish, so to open the ____ we have to say habre." It's never "_____ only speaks Spanish, lets teach him the word Open in English."
3.) What kind on monkey is Boots? First of all he is a near naked monkey that insists on only wearing clashing red boots and likes to sing and dance (gay or what?) He somehow lives near Dora but doesn't speak Spanish, apparently everyone around her speaks it but not Boots. He has no natural monkey instincts! He will encounter a Grumpy Old Troll who runs a toll operation on a bridge they always need to cross and solve the Troll's riddle to get across ...Hello...Where is the poop flinging!?!?! I tried it at a local toll booth and believe me the guy didn't mess with me again, poop flinging works...but he is so out of touch with his monkey roots that he doesn't even realize it.
4,) Are there no police in wherever the hell this is? If there were the parents probably need to be arrested on 100 accounts of neglect and child endangerment! And Swiper the Fox still has not been captured? If I had the same fox stealing crap from me wherever I went I would think calling the police would be a good option. I think Dora like Carmello Anthony is a firm believer in the "Don't Snitch" idea. It seems like a call to the police/fire department would solve a lot of her problems, then again I'm sure she has outstanding warrants.
5.) What the hell is the back pack made of? If you watch this program you've seen that each episode she needs something out of her backpack and she needs help find the item among 4-6 other items. I watched one episode and we had to pick from a big ladder, a small ladder, 2 space suits, a soccer ball, and a teddy bear....how big is this damn backpack? I mean she is 3 and this purple backpack doesn't seem big to me?
How can this backpack hold all this crap? Why is there never a necessity in there? Never like a cell phone, food, water, a shirt that doesn't show her gut...etc....6.) Where the hell does she live? I think It is safe to say that it is south of the Mexican/American boarder somewhere. It seems like it takes her no time to get from forest, to snow, to desert, to rain forest, to geyser that shoots bubbles, no idea what continent had all this crap within walking distance. Somehow she is in some part of this that has no crazy dictatorship, has a high crime with no police force, she doesn't have to sell Chiclets, there are kings and queens constantly on the show? I think it's safe to assume it's not in Arizona, they wouldn't stand for this crap.
7.) Dora started on Nickelodeon in 2000 and was 3 so she should now be a 13 yr old nickelodeon skankeroo right? I mean look at all these young Teen Disney/Teen Nick girls already selling sex on a subconscious level (Demi Lavato, Miranda Cosgrove, Miley Cyrus, Hilary Duff, S
elena Gomez) how come Dora isn't getting in on this?So I think you should join me is banning Dora from the home. She is creepy, a bad example, doesn't know how to match her clothes, and is being treated like crap by Nickelodeon...despite being so sexy.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My Day: A Short Story
It was a beautiful summers day in Vegas when I awoke. I marched downstairs and on to the front porch to greet the day. The air outside was ruffly 112 degrees with nearly no humidity. I felt the warm cement under my feet slowly causing 1st and 2nd degree burns. I stretched my arms up and then across my chest limbering up for whatever this day would bring. I waived to the neighbors and the garbage men as they strolled by the porch with a refreshing look of curiosity on their faces, as if they were trying to talk but nothing would come out. I'm sure they were just waking up as well and seeing me and the smile on my face gave them a sense of intrigue. I then decided I would put some clothes on and set out on my adventure.
I threw on some sunglasses on and hopped in the old Ford Taurus my grandfather had left me. It had University of Wyoming decals on it at one time, but the sun had turned them in a blackened charcoal that was now permanently affixed to the window. I drove to my nearest local convenience store to pick up some breakfast. I feel like you are what you eat. If you want to feel centered and like you are in harmony with your body simply feed it the right things and it will reward you. So since I was on a health kick I settled on an apple and a bag of raw peanuts along with my usual mixture of 2 Red bulls, 3 Rockstars, and a touch of Monster (sugar free of coarse...remember health is key). I should have known the day was going to be good when the woman at the counter said "Wow, you must have a lot of energy?!? do you need a bag for your nuts?" I glanced at her name tag and and said " thanks Janet, but I'm married...thanks for noticing my energy and vigor for life though and don't give up, you'll find that special someone." I walked away from the counter but noticed she had a look of deep reflection and wonderment. Perhaps I helped her understand that we as people need other people and she could find her better half or maybe she just noticed that I had farted while talking to her at the counter. I then enjoyed my breakfast.
When I regained the ability to remember things and had control of my limbs I found that It was now 4pm and I was at a public park swinging in an infant/toddler swing. I enjoyed the feeling of the breeze brushing across my face with each pass in the swing. I remember back to when I was a child and used to swing all the time. I remember pretending to be an airplane pilot and that I could fly in my swing. I noticed a small child in front of me and our eyes met. It's amazing how you can see the wonderment and excitement behind a child's eyes. You can see their love and curiosity for life and all it may have to offer. He smiled at me so I smiled back. I wondered what his life will be like? Am I looking at the future president of the US? A serial Killer? A CEO? A McDonald's Employee of the Month? Life is full of endless possibilities if we will only seize the opportunities in front of us. Suddenly his eyes filled with tears and he began to cry. Sometimes I forget that we as people are so sensitive and that life has a lot of pain and sorrow...especially when we walk right in front of an adult who is swinging and kicks us full force right in the face propelling us through the air like some sort of fleshy Frisbee. I then hopped out of the swing, put my pants and shirt back on and decided to continue on with my day. As I left the child's cries became more and more faint. The police and ambulance sirens however, became louder and louder almost like they were right in the park.
I then went home to eat dinner and call it a night. I had a glass of water with some mac and cheese covered in ketchup. It's amazing how a complex dinner like that can excite the pallet and bring a wave of happiness over the whole body. I headed up the stairs to my bedroom. As I lied in bed I looked over at my adorable sleeping wife. Her smile is so warm it could melt a snow drift, her eyes are so deep it is like you can dive right into them, her long blond hair reminded me rolling fields of wheat as they shimmered in the summer sun. I then remembered my wife doesn't have blond hair. So I left the neighbors house and thought maybe it's time to have more than one house plan when building a community. Why do all these houses look the same to me? Who has time to get caught up in the rat race that is remembering all those digits in a home address? My wife was pleased to see me when I got to my home 3 tries later. My day was finally done. I wonder what tomorrow holds?
I threw on some sunglasses on and hopped in the old Ford Taurus my grandfather had left me. It had University of Wyoming decals on it at one time, but the sun had turned them in a blackened charcoal that was now permanently affixed to the window. I drove to my nearest local convenience store to pick up some breakfast. I feel like you are what you eat. If you want to feel centered and like you are in harmony with your body simply feed it the right things and it will reward you. So since I was on a health kick I settled on an apple and a bag of raw peanuts along with my usual mixture of 2 Red bulls, 3 Rockstars, and a touch of Monster (sugar free of coarse...remember health is key). I should have known the day was going to be good when the woman at the counter said "Wow, you must have a lot of energy?!? do you need a bag for your nuts?" I glanced at her name tag and and said " thanks Janet, but I'm married...thanks for noticing my energy and vigor for life though and don't give up, you'll find that special someone." I walked away from the counter but noticed she had a look of deep reflection and wonderment. Perhaps I helped her understand that we as people need other people and she could find her better half or maybe she just noticed that I had farted while talking to her at the counter. I then enjoyed my breakfast.
When I regained the ability to remember things and had control of my limbs I found that It was now 4pm and I was at a public park swinging in an infant/toddler swing. I enjoyed the feeling of the breeze brushing across my face with each pass in the swing. I remember back to when I was a child and used to swing all the time. I remember pretending to be an airplane pilot and that I could fly in my swing. I noticed a small child in front of me and our eyes met. It's amazing how you can see the wonderment and excitement behind a child's eyes. You can see their love and curiosity for life and all it may have to offer. He smiled at me so I smiled back. I wondered what his life will be like? Am I looking at the future president of the US? A serial Killer? A CEO? A McDonald's Employee of the Month? Life is full of endless possibilities if we will only seize the opportunities in front of us. Suddenly his eyes filled with tears and he began to cry. Sometimes I forget that we as people are so sensitive and that life has a lot of pain and sorrow...especially when we walk right in front of an adult who is swinging and kicks us full force right in the face propelling us through the air like some sort of fleshy Frisbee. I then hopped out of the swing, put my pants and shirt back on and decided to continue on with my day. As I left the child's cries became more and more faint. The police and ambulance sirens however, became louder and louder almost like they were right in the park.
I then went home to eat dinner and call it a night. I had a glass of water with some mac and cheese covered in ketchup. It's amazing how a complex dinner like that can excite the pallet and bring a wave of happiness over the whole body. I headed up the stairs to my bedroom. As I lied in bed I looked over at my adorable sleeping wife. Her smile is so warm it could melt a snow drift, her eyes are so deep it is like you can dive right into them, her long blond hair reminded me rolling fields of wheat as they shimmered in the summer sun. I then remembered my wife doesn't have blond hair. So I left the neighbors house and thought maybe it's time to have more than one house plan when building a community. Why do all these houses look the same to me? Who has time to get caught up in the rat race that is remembering all those digits in a home address? My wife was pleased to see me when I got to my home 3 tries later. My day was finally done. I wonder what tomorrow holds?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Helping men go from undatable to supermen!
I was recently watching a show called 'VH1's Undatable'. The show listed 100 things that men do that made them unappealing to the opposite sex (wearing sports jerseys, naming farts, having man purses). It was hard to watch all these people slamming men for the things they say or do without meaning to make themselves less attractive. At no paint was there a 100 things you can do to make yourself more appealing to women. This is an wrong that I will today try and right today! I have 8 great tips that are easy and practical to make you more than just attractive to women, it will take you to the top of their desire wish list!
1.) Go ahead, smack your women up! If there is one thing women love more than anything else it is DRAMA!!!! If this is not enough it makes it so they are either afraid to leave you or feel like you are a project that they need to "fix". It worked for people like Jason Kidd, Daryl Strawberry, Big Pun, and Ike Turner! everyone knows someone who says "he beats me...but I love him! (which is code for...holy crap this sucks...but I love sympathy attention from other people)
2.) Have a substantial drug or alcohol related problem. Once again women like to think that you are a misunderstood "bad boy" and need all their time or attention. If you can't walk home from the pub, or can't wake up after taking to much Oxycodone someone has to wake you up, or help you walk and they love to do it! Girls are playing doctor/nurses from the time they are small children and love to take care of sick or hurt things. It's in their nature to be the hovering lil nurturer that you deserve! Don't believe me...watch 2 episodes of "Behind the Music"....no it doesn't matter which episodes!
3.) Make sure her parents hate you on a whole new level. For some reason girls feel empowered when they can bring a man home their parents hate. If you follow steps 1 or 2 (why not both) this will be an easy one. Another easy way is to make sure you are not the same color as her parents! Nothing like seeing ol' fashion racism taking place around the dinner table on the first "come meet my parents" outing!
4.) Show up to stuff late if at all. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is sooooo true. Ever loose the TV remote for like 4 days and then find that mother and you are so happy you nearly cry? Same thing.... miss or just don't show up for important events. Good reasons you can give her are things like "I'm hanging out with my friends, I'll get there when I feel like it! Damn!" that one seems to work for a lot of guys! Trust me , she won't be hurt, she'll only be drawn closer to you when you do show up.
5.) Dress like you are on the cast of "Jersey Shore." Nothing says I am a major douche than whiskered jeans in peculiar colors and t-shirts that look like QVC has a Quacker Factory show for men. Women love a-holes that where Ed Hardy! Nothing like a bedazzled picture of a tiger licking a dragon! Why do woman eat this stuff up? Because it means you are a douche bag (sometimes confused with bad boy!....plus it makes it easy for the rest of the competition to stay away from you cause when you see Ed Hardy you can know the guy is an ass clown from a mile away! and girls like a loner!). Also too much hair gel, too much cologne, and a orange-ish spray tan are great!
6.) Have a ton of money! Cody...no self respecting woman would let a ton of cash sway them away from love and into a bad relationship! True, but how many women do you know that have self respect? like 7? could they be more insecure? Examples of this are everywhere! Take a trip to the Las Vegas Strip and I'll guarantee you can't count the number of sugar daddies you'll see. I've heard that scientists are concluding the material cash is made out of attracts women on a subconscious level like cats to catnip!
7. Have Multiple children with multiple women. I learned this first hand at my job at the call center I worked at. There were only 2 other guys who worked there and all you ever heard was women talking about their men and those men's multiple babies mamas who are harassing their men for things like child support..and time with the kids! It was even funnier that women who didn't have "baby daddies"were super jealous! "I wish I had some turd burger of a man that slept around like he was on a mission to repopulate the earth!!! GRRR"
8. Act gay. The only thing I know of that women like more that drama from men is drama from other women. Nothing like being able to gossip, talk about men, shop, and drink fuzzy navels with a guy who feels the same way as they do. Feel free to be one of the girls to lure them into your clutches! Blood Hound Gang had it right "chicks dig guys that are queer, guys that don't dig chicks, that don't dig guys like me...I wish I was queer so i could get chicks."
So I hope that helps some of you undatable guys out their meet your soul mate. wait...my wife is interupting me! "Rhea! Can't you see that I'm high right now! I'm going to my babies mama's house if you don't knock it off! Meet me at the salon to get our hair and nails done...and I'll show up when I feel like it!"...women...gee wiz. Good luck gentlemen.
1.) Go ahead, smack your women up! If there is one thing women love more than anything else it is DRAMA!!!! If this is not enough it makes it so they are either afraid to leave you or feel like you are a project that they need to "fix". It worked for people like Jason Kidd, Daryl Strawberry, Big Pun, and Ike Turner! everyone knows someone who says "he beats me...but I love him! (which is code for...holy crap this sucks...but I love sympathy attention from other people)
2.) Have a substantial drug or alcohol related problem. Once again women like to think that you are a misunderstood "bad boy" and need all their time or attention. If you can't walk home from the pub, or can't wake up after taking to much Oxycodone someone has to wake you up, or help you walk and they love to do it! Girls are playing doctor/nurses from the time they are small children and love to take care of sick or hurt things. It's in their nature to be the hovering lil nurturer that you deserve! Don't believe me...watch 2 episodes of "Behind the Music"....no it doesn't matter which episodes!
3.) Make sure her parents hate you on a whole new level. For some reason girls feel empowered when they can bring a man home their parents hate. If you follow steps 1 or 2 (why not both) this will be an easy one. Another easy way is to make sure you are not the same color as her parents! Nothing like seeing ol' fashion racism taking place around the dinner table on the first "come meet my parents" outing!
4.) Show up to stuff late if at all. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is sooooo true. Ever loose the TV remote for like 4 days and then find that mother and you are so happy you nearly cry? Same thing.... miss or just don't show up for important events. Good reasons you can give her are things like "I'm hanging out with my friends, I'll get there when I feel like it! Damn!" that one seems to work for a lot of guys! Trust me , she won't be hurt, she'll only be drawn closer to you when you do show up.
5.) Dress like you are on the cast of "Jersey Shore." Nothing says I am a major douche than whiskered jeans in peculiar colors and t-shirts that look like QVC has a Quacker Factory show for men. Women love a-holes that where Ed Hardy! Nothing like a bedazzled picture of a tiger licking a dragon! Why do woman eat this stuff up? Because it means you are a douche bag (sometimes confused with bad boy!....plus it makes it easy for the rest of the competition to stay away from you cause when you see Ed Hardy you can know the guy is an ass clown from a mile away! and girls like a loner!). Also too much hair gel, too much cologne, and a orange-ish spray tan are great!
6.) Have a ton of money! Cody...no self respecting woman would let a ton of cash sway them away from love and into a bad relationship! True, but how many women do you know that have self respect? like 7? could they be more insecure? Examples of this are everywhere! Take a trip to the Las Vegas Strip and I'll guarantee you can't count the number of sugar daddies you'll see. I've heard that scientists are concluding the material cash is made out of attracts women on a subconscious level like cats to catnip!
7. Have Multiple children with multiple women. I learned this first hand at my job at the call center I worked at. There were only 2 other guys who worked there and all you ever heard was women talking about their men and those men's multiple babies mamas who are harassing their men for things like child support..and time with the kids! It was even funnier that women who didn't have "baby daddies"were super jealous! "I wish I had some turd burger of a man that slept around like he was on a mission to repopulate the earth!!! GRRR"
8. Act gay. The only thing I know of that women like more that drama from men is drama from other women. Nothing like being able to gossip, talk about men, shop, and drink fuzzy navels with a guy who feels the same way as they do. Feel free to be one of the girls to lure them into your clutches! Blood Hound Gang had it right "chicks dig guys that are queer, guys that don't dig chicks, that don't dig guys like me...I wish I was queer so i could get chicks."
So I hope that helps some of you undatable guys out their meet your soul mate. wait...my wife is interupting me! "Rhea! Can't you see that I'm high right now! I'm going to my babies mama's house if you don't knock it off! Meet me at the salon to get our hair and nails done...and I'll show up when I feel like it!"...women...gee wiz. Good luck gentlemen.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Am I racist or are you stupid?
Am I a racist or are some people just retarded?
I was watching the news the other night and I saw that a teacher (whom I'm assuming is white) was upset at a girl (who is black) for not knowing who Martin Luther King Jr. is. The mom was on TV saying " Why is she supposed to know who MLK is just because she is black?" Um....BECAUSE!!!!!
1.) How the heck does anyone currently alive and living in the US not know who MLK is? The man was THE LARGEST force in the battle for equal rights for blacks and other minorities and was on of the most influential people of all time!
2.) I remember when I was in Jr. High and we had to endure all the "Black History Months" (not that I don't think black history is important...but if it is significant..why not just call it history? why go out of our way to segregate it?) and he came up time and time again, how could this girl have avoided him for so long? Two things you could count on during black history month at the schools I went to were black poetry, and a lot of things about MLK.
3.) Every town has a MLK street in it (almost always in a bad part of that town/city ironically) and you think kids would be curious as to who that is? Just so happens that in this city (Vegas) it is a major street.
4.) Hate to say it....YES, BECAUSE YOU ARE BLACK I WOULD HOPE IT MEANS SOMETHING MORE TO YOU! I would sincerely hope that people like MLK, W.E.B. Dubois, Jackie Robinson, and Jack Johnson (boxer/inventor not the musician) mean something more to black people. I would hope that if a man fought so hard that it cost him his life to try to give you're family a better shake at life in this country you would be grateful and hold a special place for him. I'm not black (pics may have given that away) and I have great respect for what MLK did and stood for. He had a respect, and a honest love for people that no one has been able to replicate.
5.) Is the kid's mother straight up retarded? If I was another black person and I saw a black mother say "Why does my kid need to know who MLK is just cause she's black?" I would sh&% a brick and want to slap her! How little have you taught your child about the world and the important people in it if she doesn't know who MLK is? YOU SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED! I would hope after being interviewed by the local news she contacted her local physician to get her head removed from her rear and tell her child the important yet dark chapter in this countries history of oppression of minorities.
Does this make me a racist? I'm not sure? I do know for sure that my children will never be able to utter something so stupid because I'll be sure to educate them about something so significant.
I was watching the news the other night and I saw that a teacher (whom I'm assuming is white) was upset at a girl (who is black) for not knowing who Martin Luther King Jr. is. The mom was on TV saying " Why is she supposed to know who MLK is just because she is black?" Um....BECAUSE!!!!!
1.) How the heck does anyone currently alive and living in the US not know who MLK is? The man was THE LARGEST force in the battle for equal rights for blacks and other minorities and was on of the most influential people of all time!
2.) I remember when I was in Jr. High and we had to endure all the "Black History Months" (not that I don't think black history is important...but if it is significant..why not just call it history? why go out of our way to segregate it?) and he came up time and time again, how could this girl have avoided him for so long? Two things you could count on during black history month at the schools I went to were black poetry, and a lot of things about MLK.
3.) Every town has a MLK street in it (almost always in a bad part of that town/city ironically) and you think kids would be curious as to who that is? Just so happens that in this city (Vegas) it is a major street.
4.) Hate to say it....YES, BECAUSE YOU ARE BLACK I WOULD HOPE IT MEANS SOMETHING MORE TO YOU! I would sincerely hope that people like MLK, W.E.B. Dubois, Jackie Robinson, and Jack Johnson (boxer/inventor not the musician) mean something more to black people. I would hope that if a man fought so hard that it cost him his life to try to give you're family a better shake at life in this country you would be grateful and hold a special place for him. I'm not black (pics may have given that away) and I have great respect for what MLK did and stood for. He had a respect, and a honest love for people that no one has been able to replicate.
5.) Is the kid's mother straight up retarded? If I was another black person and I saw a black mother say "Why does my kid need to know who MLK is just cause she's black?" I would sh&% a brick and want to slap her! How little have you taught your child about the world and the important people in it if she doesn't know who MLK is? YOU SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED! I would hope after being interviewed by the local news she contacted her local physician to get her head removed from her rear and tell her child the important yet dark chapter in this countries history of oppression of minorities.
Does this make me a racist? I'm not sure? I do know for sure that my children will never be able to utter something so stupid because I'll be sure to educate them about something so significant.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Health Care Reform Can't Be Any Worse Than What We Have Now!
So today the girls insisted that we play Dr. So I show up to the Office 10 min early and the front desk girl (Lily) is super rude and asks for all my info and cards and stuff. I then proceed to wait in excess of 40 minutes for my appointment! I clearly saw 2 teddy bears, 1 power ranger, and a Dora show up way after I did and still get seen first. So I complain to the Front Desk girl and she says " sorry, you'll have to wait like everyone else!" I explained that I had been waiting for nearly an hour when she tells me "Sorry sir, it's not my Problem!"
So Finally I get called back by nurse Brendan who takes my height, weight and temperature. Not sure where the hell he went to nursing school at but my height was 1234, my weight was yellow, and my temperature was wiggles! So he puts me in the room where I have to wait another 30 min for Dr. Kendal to show up and then when she does she doesn't apologize for the wait and explains she can only spare 5 minutes! So I start to explain that I think I might have a cold when she leaves the room because her pager went off! She leaves for 20 min and comes back again with no apology! So I start to explain again when she interrupts me and tells me I have a broken arm! I said "are you Sure!" she says "yes! I am the Dr." So she gives me a referral and tells me she sent a script to my pharmacy.
So I go to see the Radiologist Dr. Brendan....who looks suspiciously like Dr. Kendal's Nurse! He Proceeds to have me lay down to take the x-ray and then says.."Lets dance!" I said " No, I just wan the x-ray of my arm" he said "belbow?" I said .."I guess..elbow might be it?" then hes says "okay, all done! Cheese!" I didn't see him push a button or anything....once again...not sure about this guys qualifications!
So then I am off to the pharmacy! I swear the pharmacist is the same snotty front desk girl from Dr. Kendal's office and her assistant Dexter. The girl tells me that they haven't got my script. So I have to call Dr. Kendal's office over 5 times to get it straightened out. Finally the pharmacy gets my script and I am told that this medication is not covered and doesn't have a generic. So after charging me $923,493 I got my meds. I open the paper bag and in it is a sandwich size ziplock bag filled with Capn' Crunch cereal! What the heck..am i buying weed from a teenager or is this the 'Super Monkey Happy Pharmacy' the front desk told me it is? Ziplocks? If that is not enough I see lil red and blue specs in there but no crunch berries! Then I see Pharmacist Lily and her assistant Dexter both have red and blue smiles! I think they ate my super expensive meds! So I ask how many of these should I take and when... she said " eat them all! eat them or go to time out!" So I ate them all at once, hope I don't OD....not sure how safe this is!
This is the last time I use Happy Unicorn Fairy Insurance! well...until my Orthopedic appt next weak with a Dr. Brendan!
So Finally I get called back by nurse Brendan who takes my height, weight and temperature. Not sure where the hell he went to nursing school at but my height was 1234, my weight was yellow, and my temperature was wiggles! So he puts me in the room where I have to wait another 30 min for Dr. Kendal to show up and then when she does she doesn't apologize for the wait and explains she can only spare 5 minutes! So I start to explain that I think I might have a cold when she leaves the room because her pager went off! She leaves for 20 min and comes back again with no apology! So I start to explain again when she interrupts me and tells me I have a broken arm! I said "are you Sure!" she says "yes! I am the Dr." So she gives me a referral and tells me she sent a script to my pharmacy.
So I go to see the Radiologist Dr. Brendan....who looks suspiciously like Dr. Kendal's Nurse! He Proceeds to have me lay down to take the x-ray and then says.."Lets dance!" I said " No, I just wan the x-ray of my arm" he said "belbow?" I said .."I guess..elbow might be it?" then hes says "okay, all done! Cheese!" I didn't see him push a button or anything....once again...not sure about this guys qualifications!
So then I am off to the pharmacy! I swear the pharmacist is the same snotty front desk girl from Dr. Kendal's office and her assistant Dexter. The girl tells me that they haven't got my script. So I have to call Dr. Kendal's office over 5 times to get it straightened out. Finally the pharmacy gets my script and I am told that this medication is not covered and doesn't have a generic. So after charging me $923,493 I got my meds. I open the paper bag and in it is a sandwich size ziplock bag filled with Capn' Crunch cereal! What the heck..am i buying weed from a teenager or is this the 'Super Monkey Happy Pharmacy' the front desk told me it is? Ziplocks? If that is not enough I see lil red and blue specs in there but no crunch berries! Then I see Pharmacist Lily and her assistant Dexter both have red and blue smiles! I think they ate my super expensive meds! So I ask how many of these should I take and when... she said " eat them all! eat them or go to time out!" So I ate them all at once, hope I don't OD....not sure how safe this is!
This is the last time I use Happy Unicorn Fairy Insurance! well...until my Orthopedic appt next weak with a Dr. Brendan!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Yes bartender..I'll take a marriage ...on the rocks!
It's odd, i always hear stories about people who have to "work" so hard at their marraige. I also remember hearing when I got married "The first year is the hardest!" I guess I have been fortunate in my life to be married to my best friend and the only person who knows how to deal with my retarded self. Life is already so flipping hard that I can't imagine a marriage could make it harder? I mean I view Rhea as the person I am lucky enough to be stuck in a foxhole with in our war against the the poopy ol' world. I know that she has my back and I would hope she knows that I have hers.
I remember was I was a teenager and I "fell in love with a girl." Remember when you were a teen and you thought you knew what love was? You thought it was needing to be touching that person at all times? you thought it was sharing important views such as whatever, totally, like you know, and more whatever? If that person left you, you just lost it? Life was over? Then you grow up, you date around, you realize that there is more to another person than just looks and that personality and ideologies are just as important? You realize that just because there is a mile of difference between your first love/puppy love and what love really is?
I would say love is more that an attraction, more that common interests, and more than a chemical reaction, it's more than just agreeing that RoboCop could totally kill the Terminator. It is 2 people going for a common goal of eternal happiness that constantly puts the other person in front of themselves (unless we are talking about a hostage/human shield scenario in which case putting yourself in front of them is putting them in front of you....That makes sense right?)
Can people really fall out of love? Or can they just no longer find ways of putting that person ahead of their own needs? Is it simply a matter of selfishness?
Lately the wife and I have been at each others throat because of the stress of her co-workers not showing up to work to help her out. And I have to watch 5 kids, work at F&E, go to school, and some how get sleep. Today we had another fight and I wonder if maybe it takes time to put others needs ahead of our own and we are just lacking time? Is our marraige on the ropes? I think not, but I have never been in a situation like this before. Something has got to give somewhere...but where?
I remember was I was a teenager and I "fell in love with a girl." Remember when you were a teen and you thought you knew what love was? You thought it was needing to be touching that person at all times? you thought it was sharing important views such as whatever, totally, like you know, and more whatever? If that person left you, you just lost it? Life was over? Then you grow up, you date around, you realize that there is more to another person than just looks and that personality and ideologies are just as important? You realize that just because there is a mile of difference between your first love/puppy love and what love really is?
I would say love is more that an attraction, more that common interests, and more than a chemical reaction, it's more than just agreeing that RoboCop could totally kill the Terminator. It is 2 people going for a common goal of eternal happiness that constantly puts the other person in front of themselves (unless we are talking about a hostage/human shield scenario in which case putting yourself in front of them is putting them in front of you....That makes sense right?)
Can people really fall out of love? Or can they just no longer find ways of putting that person ahead of their own needs? Is it simply a matter of selfishness?
Lately the wife and I have been at each others throat because of the stress of her co-workers not showing up to work to help her out. And I have to watch 5 kids, work at F&E, go to school, and some how get sleep. Today we had another fight and I wonder if maybe it takes time to put others needs ahead of our own and we are just lacking time? Is our marraige on the ropes? I think not, but I have never been in a situation like this before. Something has got to give somewhere...but where?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Come and Join me for Las Vegas's first Straight Pride Parade!
All to often I have gone to parades and have never actually been a part of one. I'm not Gay so I can't be part of Gay pride, Don't Drink which knocks off St. Patrick's Day Parades, and am to far away from NYC to do the Thanksgiving Day Parades. So what part of my life can I embrace? Where can I make a social statement and at the same time ride in a convertible and throw candy at children? This years first ever Las Vegas Straight Pride Parade!
That's right I am going to embrace my heterosexuality to the fullest in an awesome display of color and music. There will be men and women holding hands and kissing occasionally to ensure that is makes gay patrons aware that straight people ARE REAL and won't be silenced anymore. We will have chants like " We're here, we're not queer...in fact we are attracted to people of the opposite sex in which we can have relations with which can result in offspring which will keep the human race keep going...get used to it!" ( A little wordy but I am working on it.) There will be floats of famous hetero couples (Adam/Eve, Romeo/Juliet, Tiger Woods/his wife and hos). We will have t-shirts like "I'm Not Gay, and That's okay." We will adopt a new logo just like the gay pride people did with the rainbow. We will simply have water droplets and sunlight as our logo showing that the rainbow folks wouldn't be here if it wasn't for us (you're welcome).
I personally would take great pride in getting to be in this parade! I remember when I was 15 and my parents first caught me making out with a girl! I said " well, you might as well know...I'm straight! that is just who I am....you don't have to agree with me, but please just accept me!" Luckily my parents while needing some time to adjust got used to the idea of me liking boobies. My dad threw away his dreams of me being on Broadway, and my mom stopped telling me about the buff Johnson boy who lived up the street. It wasn't an easy path to get where I am today. I remember the constant criticism I got about being "normal" and acting "as God intended"...harsh words that cut me to my core. But through all that I persevered and am now proud to say I like me some ladies!!!
I would walk in the parade with my head held high, holding hands with my wife (life partner), and showing the world that I am not afraid to be me anymore. And unlike the Gay pride parade which sometimes looses focus thus setting them back 40 years (assless chaps, madonna music in background, float that throws out condoms) I would be on task! Gay people would see me in the parade and say " Holy crap, that is one straight man! He isn't looking at man toosh at all, he probably isn't even thinking about sweet man on man loving! YOU GO STRAIGHT MAN!!!!" Oh and I would go, knowing that my people finally have more of a voice, and that I had the courage to be that voice!
So I to all my straight friends out there, don't be afraid anymore! Come out of the closets you've trapped yourselves in and embrace who you are! Let the world know that you like the opposite sex and it is a beautiful and natural thing! Throw away you're Gay porn you've had lying around to avoid suspicion! Stop wearing skinny jeans! Order more than just a salad! You don't have to cut hair! Feel free to enjoy sports! I love you guys! Be Strong! See you at the parade...may need some time to set this up.
That's right I am going to embrace my heterosexuality to the fullest in an awesome display of color and music. There will be men and women holding hands and kissing occasionally to ensure that is makes gay patrons aware that straight people ARE REAL and won't be silenced anymore. We will have chants like " We're here, we're not queer...in fact we are attracted to people of the opposite sex in which we can have relations with which can result in offspring which will keep the human race keep going...get used to it!" ( A little wordy but I am working on it.) There will be floats of famous hetero couples (Adam/Eve, Romeo/Juliet, Tiger Woods/his wife and hos). We will have t-shirts like "I'm Not Gay, and That's okay." We will adopt a new logo just like the gay pride people did with the rainbow. We will simply have water droplets and sunlight as our logo showing that the rainbow folks wouldn't be here if it wasn't for us (you're welcome).
I personally would take great pride in getting to be in this parade! I remember when I was 15 and my parents first caught me making out with a girl! I said " well, you might as well know...I'm straight! that is just who I am....you don't have to agree with me, but please just accept me!" Luckily my parents while needing some time to adjust got used to the idea of me liking boobies. My dad threw away his dreams of me being on Broadway, and my mom stopped telling me about the buff Johnson boy who lived up the street. It wasn't an easy path to get where I am today. I remember the constant criticism I got about being "normal" and acting "as God intended"...harsh words that cut me to my core. But through all that I persevered and am now proud to say I like me some ladies!!!
I would walk in the parade with my head held high, holding hands with my wife (life partner), and showing the world that I am not afraid to be me anymore. And unlike the Gay pride parade which sometimes looses focus thus setting them back 40 years (assless chaps, madonna music in background, float that throws out condoms) I would be on task! Gay people would see me in the parade and say " Holy crap, that is one straight man! He isn't looking at man toosh at all, he probably isn't even thinking about sweet man on man loving! YOU GO STRAIGHT MAN!!!!" Oh and I would go, knowing that my people finally have more of a voice, and that I had the courage to be that voice!
So I to all my straight friends out there, don't be afraid anymore! Come out of the closets you've trapped yourselves in and embrace who you are! Let the world know that you like the opposite sex and it is a beautiful and natural thing! Throw away you're Gay porn you've had lying around to avoid suspicion! Stop wearing skinny jeans! Order more than just a salad! You don't have to cut hair! Feel free to enjoy sports! I love you guys! Be Strong! See you at the parade...may need some time to set this up.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Sexual Harasment isn't funny....sept most of the time.
Another fun day of work at Fresh And Easy tonight. It was a long day when I had to wake up early to go to my daughter's soccer game. From there I helped a friend move into his new house. Then to Fresh and Easy where I got to tackle a kid trying to make a beer run, and then slave away for a few hours.
During that time there is one thing that we all can't stop blabbin about at work...Brandon. Brandon is a new employee who suffers from enlarged balls. In fact Brandon's balls are ruffly three times the size of his brain. He has managed to make nearly everyone at our work uncomfortable..especially the ladies. Brandon refers to one black girl we work with as "The Head Nigger In Charge", has told girls if he didn't have a girlfriend he would totally hook up with them (even though they are either married or 12+ years younger than him), and my personal fave is that he recently tried to convince my friend that her boyfriend is gay so can have a shot.
I know you are thinking...wow, that is a little much, why would we put up with that? BECAUSE IT IS HILARIOUS! I love seeing him make a disgrace of himself and get away with it..it's funny to me! Another bright spot in this is that his ol' lady is hella jealous and comes in just to check on him, and flipped out when she found out another woman gave him Advil!!!! you can not pay for this kind of entertainment.
Brandon has inspired me to do my own sexual harassing. Now I am being extra flirtatious by carding every woman who buys alcohol even if they are clearly 80. I wink at anyone who buys anything shaped like a wiener (hot dog, kielbasa, carrots, cucumbers, popsicles.....etc). I Laugh every time Brain Adam's Summer of 69 comes on the Muzac and work. I even have started saying things like "Tater tots are in Isle 8....work it girl...daddy likey." Funny or what!!!!
So when I get out of hear in 9 months (with good behavior) I'm hoping the world has matured enough to get my sense of humor. Jail sucks, and this guy won't stop sexually harassing me in here even though I told him it's not the same and is not funny.
ps..... Shake that ass.
During that time there is one thing that we all can't stop blabbin about at work...Brandon. Brandon is a new employee who suffers from enlarged balls. In fact Brandon's balls are ruffly three times the size of his brain. He has managed to make nearly everyone at our work uncomfortable..especially the ladies. Brandon refers to one black girl we work with as "The Head Nigger In Charge", has told girls if he didn't have a girlfriend he would totally hook up with them (even though they are either married or 12+ years younger than him), and my personal fave is that he recently tried to convince my friend that her boyfriend is gay so can have a shot.
I know you are thinking...wow, that is a little much, why would we put up with that? BECAUSE IT IS HILARIOUS! I love seeing him make a disgrace of himself and get away with it..it's funny to me! Another bright spot in this is that his ol' lady is hella jealous and comes in just to check on him, and flipped out when she found out another woman gave him Advil!!!! you can not pay for this kind of entertainment.
Brandon has inspired me to do my own sexual harassing. Now I am being extra flirtatious by carding every woman who buys alcohol even if they are clearly 80. I wink at anyone who buys anything shaped like a wiener (hot dog, kielbasa, carrots, cucumbers, popsicles.....etc). I Laugh every time Brain Adam's Summer of 69 comes on the Muzac and work. I even have started saying things like "Tater tots are in Isle 8....work it girl...daddy likey." Funny or what!!!!
So when I get out of hear in 9 months (with good behavior) I'm hoping the world has matured enough to get my sense of humor. Jail sucks, and this guy won't stop sexually harassing me in here even though I told him it's not the same and is not funny.
ps..... Shake that ass.
Monday, May 3, 2010
How does Sheen Keep Getting Work?
Have you ever heard someone say "I don't beleive in God! How could a just creator allow bad things to happen to good people?" This is a common sentiment for many people who feel that life is supposed to be perfect. To be honest, that question doesn't trouble me so much. I am under the understanding that this life is to test us and for us to be brave in the face of opposition. In fact the question that bugs me is the opposite one. HOW THE HELL DO GOOD THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO BAD PEOPLE???? Wait...Cody, how can that be? um...Charlie Sheen
In 1990 Charlie Sheen "accidentally" SHOT HIS FIANCE Kelly Preston in the arm from close range and they split up. Then in 1995 he was brave enough to give love another shot and marry Donna Pelle....During that time though he managed to run that relationship in the ground by admittedly frequenting brothels! Then to help manage his sex addiction he starts dating Ginger Lynn and Heather Hunter...yes...they are both porn stars. Now I know what you are thinking...we have the sex and guns...where are the drugs? He managed to OD trying to shoot up cocaine in 1998! Then Finally he married Denise Richards (yes he made the transition from people staring in hardcore porn to softcore porn) and had 2 children. He then managed to threaten Denise with physical violence and verbal abuse and admitted he spends thousands a year on prostitutes. Thus that marriage ended. Now he is Married and has 2 more kids with now wife Brooke Mueller. He then spent last Christmas in a jail cell in Aspen Colorado for 2nd degree assault on Brooke! After being charged he was back off to Rehab (his press said as a "preventative measure" which I guess means after everything else now?)
So under the "God decides what is just" theory we have in place poor Charlie should be in a world of hurt right? I mean by all means he should be beaten every morning and have his testicles electrocuted every night? Nope, Sheen has now been in over 60 movies and has starred in 2 sitcoms! He Still remains married and continues to attract women despite the fact he has been with tons of hookers/porn stars, uses drugs, and shoots and or beats his ladies down.
So what is the next act....I think Michael Douglas can help us with that. See an
y similarities?
That's right! CHARLIE SHEEN IS FALLING DOWN! Look at all he has in common with William Foster (Michael Douglas) from the motion picture 'Falling Down'
1. Is divorced (twice).
2. Has Children with divorced wife and he doesn't have custody over them.
3. Not afraid to brandish a gun!
4. Breaks the law over and over and over again!
5. Obviously is oblivious to the fact he is breaking the law.
6. Both are easily pushed "over the edge"
7. NOW THEY EVEN LOOK ALIKE!!!!!
So this will play out by Sheen going back after Denise Richards and telling her " We are not really Divorced! I'm coming home TO SEE MY DAUGHTER ON HER BIRTHDAY!" Of Coarse instead of being blasted by a soon-to-be retired police officer on a ocean pier he will undoubtedly be slapped on the wrist by a judge who liked 'Hot Shots Part Deux', win a golden globe, 2 Emmies, and will return to '2 and 1/2 Men' where he currently collects $800,000 per episode.
So next time you think "how can God let bad things happen to good people," remember a douche like Charlie Sheen and you'll see it can work both ways. We create out own destinies and God loves us so much he has given us the free will to do so (even if we use it on hookers and blow).
In 1990 Charlie Sheen "accidentally" SHOT HIS FIANCE Kelly Preston in the arm from close range and they split up. Then in 1995 he was brave enough to give love another shot and marry Donna Pelle....During that time though he managed to run that relationship in the ground by admittedly frequenting brothels! Then to help manage his sex addiction he starts dating Ginger Lynn and Heather Hunter...yes...they are both porn stars. Now I know what you are thinking...we have the sex and guns...where are the drugs? He managed to OD trying to shoot up cocaine in 1998! Then Finally he married Denise Richards (yes he made the transition from people staring in hardcore porn to softcore porn) and had 2 children. He then managed to threaten Denise with physical violence and verbal abuse and admitted he spends thousands a year on prostitutes. Thus that marriage ended. Now he is Married and has 2 more kids with now wife Brooke Mueller. He then spent last Christmas in a jail cell in Aspen Colorado for 2nd degree assault on Brooke! After being charged he was back off to Rehab (his press said as a "preventative measure" which I guess means after everything else now?)
So under the "God decides what is just" theory we have in place poor Charlie should be in a world of hurt right? I mean by all means he should be beaten every morning and have his testicles electrocuted every night? Nope, Sheen has now been in over 60 movies and has starred in 2 sitcoms! He Still remains married and continues to attract women despite the fact he has been with tons of hookers/porn stars, uses drugs, and shoots and or beats his ladies down.
So what is the next act....I think Michael Douglas can help us with that. See an
y similarities?
That's right! CHARLIE SHEEN IS FALLING DOWN! Look at all he has in common with William Foster (Michael Douglas) from the motion picture 'Falling Down'
1. Is divorced (twice).
2. Has Children with divorced wife and he doesn't have custody over them.
3. Not afraid to brandish a gun!
4. Breaks the law over and over and over again!
5. Obviously is oblivious to the fact he is breaking the law.
6. Both are easily pushed "over the edge"
7. NOW THEY EVEN LOOK ALIKE!!!!!
So this will play out by Sheen going back after Denise Richards and telling her " We are not really Divorced! I'm coming home TO SEE MY DAUGHTER ON HER BIRTHDAY!" Of Coarse instead of being blasted by a soon-to-be retired police officer on a ocean pier he will undoubtedly be slapped on the wrist by a judge who liked 'Hot Shots Part Deux', win a golden globe, 2 Emmies, and will return to '2 and 1/2 Men' where he currently collects $800,000 per episode.
So next time you think "how can God let bad things happen to good people," remember a douche like Charlie Sheen and you'll see it can work both ways. We create out own destinies and God loves us so much he has given us the free will to do so (even if we use it on hookers and blow).
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Tolerance, Even You Can Do It!!!
Today I thought would be a good time to talk about tolerance. I don't think it is necessary for all of us to accept one another, I do think that we should be able to at least tolerate one another. It seems like all to often we can't understand what other people are going through so we judge them so harshly without thinking.
For example let's say that you are at ANY random intersection/gas station/Wal*Mart parking lot in the Vegas Valley and you heard and felt someone listening to Rap music at such a volume that it caused your head to hurt, your car to shake and woke up the children you finally got to sleep. Now at first your probably thinking "what a dirty old fart hole! what kind of jerk finds it necessary to do this crap! Now I have to get kids #1 and #2 back to sleep and I have to listen to this crap for another 4 min until I'm done filling up! Does this song say MF-er 4 times in one sentence?...can you do that?" Now lets dissect this situation and see how foolish you feel. First lets discuss why the type/loud music. Is it possible that he is hard of hearing and mearly has it turned up so he can hear it? Maybe it's hard to hear through 2 due rags, 3 bandannas, and one fitted hat 2 sizes to large? Perhaps the more plausible reason is that he feels that he can bring joy to others be letting them listen to the great talent/magic he has found on this compact disc? I'll tell you now, I have learned several life lessons from this simple everyday interaction. The other day at local Chevron I learned that:
1. Shorties all be jockin' me fo cash!
2. The rapper singing is the best ever and all others are just jealous.
3. White people (cops in particular) are hatin' B#$#$%es who want no part of my S(#$*.
4. If you disrespect me I'll shank yo ass and steal yo girl!
All of these I consider to be life lessons that are great and are possibly worth waking our children up for! My 1 year old would rue missing such insight into the world he is growing up in by a true poet of the streets. So I for one am glad his windows are down so i can take part! Some of these guys are real troopers and even volunteer to do this in wind/dust storms, cold weather, rain, and many other conditions most of us would have our windows up for and have our heat possibly on!
Next time this situation happens to you, take the time to say thanks! wave hello! and say "My children and I thank you for the beautiful music and the way you've touched our hearts!"
So as you can see tolerance is an easy lesson. Just try to put yourself in the other persons shoes and it becomes much easier. By the way if any of you are from Utah I will post this again in a font that uses crayons so you can read it, or if you have family in from out of state maybe they can read it to you! retards!
For example let's say that you are at ANY random intersection/gas station/Wal*Mart parking lot in the Vegas Valley and you heard and felt someone listening to Rap music at such a volume that it caused your head to hurt, your car to shake and woke up the children you finally got to sleep. Now at first your probably thinking "what a dirty old fart hole! what kind of jerk finds it necessary to do this crap! Now I have to get kids #1 and #2 back to sleep and I have to listen to this crap for another 4 min until I'm done filling up! Does this song say MF-er 4 times in one sentence?...can you do that?" Now lets dissect this situation and see how foolish you feel. First lets discuss why the type/loud music. Is it possible that he is hard of hearing and mearly has it turned up so he can hear it? Maybe it's hard to hear through 2 due rags, 3 bandannas, and one fitted hat 2 sizes to large? Perhaps the more plausible reason is that he feels that he can bring joy to others be letting them listen to the great talent/magic he has found on this compact disc? I'll tell you now, I have learned several life lessons from this simple everyday interaction. The other day at local Chevron I learned that:
1. Shorties all be jockin' me fo cash!
2. The rapper singing is the best ever and all others are just jealous.
3. White people (cops in particular) are hatin' B#$#$%es who want no part of my S(#$*.
4. If you disrespect me I'll shank yo ass and steal yo girl!
All of these I consider to be life lessons that are great and are possibly worth waking our children up for! My 1 year old would rue missing such insight into the world he is growing up in by a true poet of the streets. So I for one am glad his windows are down so i can take part! Some of these guys are real troopers and even volunteer to do this in wind/dust storms, cold weather, rain, and many other conditions most of us would have our windows up for and have our heat possibly on!
Next time this situation happens to you, take the time to say thanks! wave hello! and say "My children and I thank you for the beautiful music and the way you've touched our hearts!"
So as you can see tolerance is an easy lesson. Just try to put yourself in the other persons shoes and it becomes much easier. By the way if any of you are from Utah I will post this again in a font that uses crayons so you can read it, or if you have family in from out of state maybe they can read it to you! retards!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Losing a child.
Last night at school we were talking about the meninges (protective layers around the brain and spinal chord) and brain swelling. We talked about brain trauma and we talked about brain pathologies. My mind was automatically drawn to a friend of mine who lost someone close to him in a minor accident that yielded major problems and lead to his physical bodies demise for this time on the earth. The teacher asked us if we had ever heard of people having the skull drilled into to relieve pressure when brain swelling occurs....I replied somberly that I had. She asked for details and I said my friends lil brother hurt himself skateboarding and that this was one procedure used to try to save his life. Te teacher than said " Well I hope he got some pictures! That would be awesome!"... I replied that he hadn't survived this ordeal and was in a better place. She then said "In the ground I'm sure...and then laughed a little." Since taking over as our anatomy instructor she has made it very clear that she has no belief in anything metaphysical. She views us as nothing more than evolved protozoa. What a sad way to live. That was someones son, that was someones brother, that was someones friend.
Yesterday A girl that I worked with for 5 long years had her 7 yr old pass away. Johnny had a lot of medical issues dealing with his lungs and tonsils ...etc.. At one time his mother was single and was having trouble making ends meet and I remember the joy I had with my wife of picking up some extra christmas presents for him. I remember jokingly saying "that kid of yours needs to be in a plastic bubble!" His mother laughed and said " I know right." Neither of us knew that his problems would get so unexpectedly lethal. And now he left his physical body and will be reunited with his savior in the Celestial Kingdom of Heaven.
I often don't think about my life before the church as being much different that it is now. I think I am the same person. Hearing people make the remarks they do, and hearing a mother cry as she misses her son though makes me grateful for a new perspective. I am grateful for the knowledge I have that life on earth is only stage 2 with more acts to follow. I hope I never loose this perspective. I don't think I could ever deal with losing one of my children and I wish no one else had to either. The sad truth is that people die before we are ready for them to leave, and it will be that way for a long time. We always say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, the more accurate truth might be what kills others has the potential to make us stronger. My prayers and with those families who have lost children today, I pray that they might be strengthened and learn to live again. I also pray for those who refuse to see the Human race as anything more than a blip on times radar. I pray that the teacher who talked out of her ass w/o thinking about it will realize that there is more to life than our short existence on this planet. Sorry This wasn't a funny post, I may be gaining a serious side?
Yesterday A girl that I worked with for 5 long years had her 7 yr old pass away. Johnny had a lot of medical issues dealing with his lungs and tonsils ...etc.. At one time his mother was single and was having trouble making ends meet and I remember the joy I had with my wife of picking up some extra christmas presents for him. I remember jokingly saying "that kid of yours needs to be in a plastic bubble!" His mother laughed and said " I know right." Neither of us knew that his problems would get so unexpectedly lethal. And now he left his physical body and will be reunited with his savior in the Celestial Kingdom of Heaven.
I often don't think about my life before the church as being much different that it is now. I think I am the same person. Hearing people make the remarks they do, and hearing a mother cry as she misses her son though makes me grateful for a new perspective. I am grateful for the knowledge I have that life on earth is only stage 2 with more acts to follow. I hope I never loose this perspective. I don't think I could ever deal with losing one of my children and I wish no one else had to either. The sad truth is that people die before we are ready for them to leave, and it will be that way for a long time. We always say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, the more accurate truth might be what kills others has the potential to make us stronger. My prayers and with those families who have lost children today, I pray that they might be strengthened and learn to live again. I also pray for those who refuse to see the Human race as anything more than a blip on times radar. I pray that the teacher who talked out of her ass w/o thinking about it will realize that there is more to life than our short existence on this planet. Sorry This wasn't a funny post, I may be gaining a serious side?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
About time Men get theirs!
My wife has been invited to yet another baby shower. A fun day in the sun where women play exciting games involving tasting baby food, stealing clothespins, and seeing what other women keep in their purses. If this is not enough they also eat cute little food items and open gifts and listen to each other say "Awwweeee, how cute!" simultaneously. Meanwhile the Man/partner/husband sits on the sidelines and either pretends to enjoy themselves or has to find something else to do. I say the rein of sexism stops now! I am posing a new tradition for men as they welcome in their new bundle of joy to the world called a "Serious? Dude we need to party before this goes down" shower.
At this special shower you will get to play exciting games such as sitting around, talking sports, watching UFC fights, and playing a variety of video games that involve blasting each other with fictional weapons. The menu would resemble that of a super bowl party...Nachos, wings, pizza, cold large drinks, and a variety of chips and dips. Now what about all the great gifts? I say all invited guests will bring something the guy can do only before the baby arrives. Things such as event/movie tickets, nights out to eat, or lap dances. Men could also go and register for gifts at Gamestop, Lowes, Home Depot, or Buffalo Wild Wings.
Some of you/women reading this will say " Cody, is retarded! We need the stuff we get for the babies!" Really? Really? I say that cave men managed to handle that stuff without bedding sets involving matching curtains depicting Noah's Arc...so can we. Jesus the lord himself was born in manger and covered and rags for clothes...and he turned out PERFECT!
So while some of you may view this as a "Bros before Hos" scenario, I say men deserve their day in the sun too. OMG Sears has the cutest new table saws aawwweee....Steve is going to love this!
At this special shower you will get to play exciting games such as sitting around, talking sports, watching UFC fights, and playing a variety of video games that involve blasting each other with fictional weapons. The menu would resemble that of a super bowl party...Nachos, wings, pizza, cold large drinks, and a variety of chips and dips. Now what about all the great gifts? I say all invited guests will bring something the guy can do only before the baby arrives. Things such as event/movie tickets, nights out to eat, or lap dances. Men could also go and register for gifts at Gamestop, Lowes, Home Depot, or Buffalo Wild Wings.
Some of you/women reading this will say " Cody, is retarded! We need the stuff we get for the babies!" Really? Really? I say that cave men managed to handle that stuff without bedding sets involving matching curtains depicting Noah's Arc...so can we. Jesus the lord himself was born in manger and covered and rags for clothes...and he turned out PERFECT!
So while some of you may view this as a "Bros before Hos" scenario, I say men deserve their day in the sun too. OMG Sears has the cutest new table saws aawwweee....Steve is going to love this!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Would "Dragon Tales" Step up to the Plate Already!
Of all the shows I watch with my children "Dragon Tales" might be the hardest to watch. Day in and day out I sit by and watch "Dragons" take children on a magic adventure in "Dragon Land." If you have ever watched this show then it is painfully obvious that these "Dragons" have canine teeth. As we all remember these teeth are designed for the tearing and shredding of meat and the killing of prey. So when are the creators of "Dragon Tales" going to step up to the plate? All I am saying is that me and my children demand blood! We are talking about 3 small bilingual Hispanic children who are purposely sending themselves to Dragon Land day in and day out. I'm sure somewhere the Chinese are watching this and are furiously screaming at the TV "WHAT THE HECK!!! YOU ARE A FIERCE WARRIOR DRAGON!!! EAT THOSE DAMN CHILDREN AND THEN EAT EACH OTHER!!! HAVE YOU NO COURAGE!!!" (yes...I like exclamation points) On the other side of this maybe there is some sort of Racism going on here? Maybe the children are not being eaten only because they are Hispanic! Maybe these Dragons are racist as all get out and are just waiting for some white kids to wish themselves to Dragon Land. If this is the case, then I say...shame on you PBS! The Latino community has made great strides for equal rights and you would deny them being eaten by a group of cute and cuddly killing machines simply cause of the color of there skin or rich cultural heritage! I for one do not want to live in a country where we can't all be brutally killed and eaten in a cartoon format as equals! I say we let the good people of Japan take a whack at just 2 or 3 episodes and see what changes? Imagine it...."Ninja Scroll" meets
"Dragon Tales"...who wouldn't watch...I mean learn from that.
"Dragon Tales"...who wouldn't watch...I mean learn from that.
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